
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/268282.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Supernatural_RPF
  Relationship:
      Jensen_Ackles/Jared_Padalecki, Sandra_McCoy/Jared_Padalecki, Jensen
      Ackles/Danneel_Harris
  Character:
      Jared_Padalecki, Jensen_Ackles, Danneel_Harris, Sandra_McCoy, Chad
      Michael_Murray
  Stats:
      Published: 2011-10-23 Words: 35898
****** Goodbye May Seem Forever ******
by pianoforeplay
Summary
     Jared and Jensen have been best friends since second grade, together
     weathering school work, girls, puberty and their burgeoning sexual
     identities all under the radar of Jensen's disapproving parents. They
     swear they'll be friends forever. But forever is a long, long time
     and time has a way of changing things.
     Written for j2_everafter and loosely based on The Fox and the Hound.
     Originally posted here on 2/24/10.
Notes
     Warnings for: Underage sex (participating characters are both 16),
     violence and graphic language surrounding homophobic themes. Also, a
     contrived and unoriginal plot, two-dimensional villains, a couple
     gratuitous sex scenes and true love. And Chad Michael Murray.
     My eternal gratitude goes out to wendy for her extensive and
     wonderfully honest beta and to fayemeadows for not only her continual
     encouragement despite her own life explosions, but also for letting
     me steal one of her childhood stories for my own devices. And, of
     course, to maichan808 for creating some_of_the_best_pieces_of_art
     I've_seen_in_this_fandom_ever. [WARNING: Link is mildly spoilery for
     the fic.] I only wish this story could do her art justice. Seriously.
     Even if you don't read this or do read and don't like it, do NOT miss
     out on her art. Unless you hate yourself, in which case I can't help
     you.
     As always, these characters are not mine. I do not own or even know
     any of the names herein and do not hold any claim on the original
     story of The Fox and the Hound. This is all done in fun.

                    We met it seems, such a short time ago.
                       You looked at me, needing me so.
                   Yet from your sadness, our happiness grew
                     Then I found out, I needed you, too.
                        I remember how we used to play.
                          I recall those rainy days,
                     the fires glowed, that kept us warm.
                       And now I find, we're both alone.
              Goodbye may seem forever, farewell is like the end.
            But in my heart's a memory, and there you'll always be.
                                     seven
Every day at lunch, without fail, Sandy McCoy gives Jensen a cookie.
It's always a different kind of cookie and his favorites are the peanut butter
ones with the little Hershey's Kiss in the middle, but they're all good as far
as he's concerned. They're better than the few Oreos Jensen's nanny packs in
his lunch, at least. Bigger, too.
On Tuesday, Sandy gives him two cookies.
At first, Jensen's thrilled. Because, not only are they both peanut butter, but
everyone knows two is always better than one.
"I know you like them best," Sandy says, smiling bright, her ponytail brushing
her shoulder as she scoots closer.
"I do," Jensen agrees, happy, but a little confused. Every day at lunch,
without fail, Sandy gives Jensen a cookie. And she gives one to Jared, too.
But today, this Tuesday, Jensen has two cookies and Jared has none.
Jared isn't making a big deal out of it. He's sitting across from Jensen and
Sandy with his own lunch box open, head lowered as he takes out his sandwich
and apple and stick of string cheese. He's not making a big deal, but Jensen
knows somehow, deep in his belly, that Jared's upset.
So he looks at Sandy. Says, "Why doesn't Jared get one?"
Sandy's smile falters and she darts a glance at Jared. Jared still isn't
looking up, isn't looking at either of them, and Sandy's shoulders slump a
little as she leans in closer to Jensen. "Because," she says with a whisper,
"you're cuter. And I like you more."
Jensen frowns.
When he glances across the table again, he sees Jared quickly turn away, his
cheeks a dark pink. It makes something inside Jensen twist all weird in a way
he doesn't like. Jared loves cookies even more than Jensen does and Sandy isn't
being fair.
"But. That isn't very nice," he decides, turning to Sandy again. She blinks at
him like she doesn't understand and, without another thought, Jensen hands one
of the cookies to Jared.
Jared looks up as the cookie comes into view, glances from Jensen to Sandy and
back again before managing a small, hesitant smile.
Sandy doesn't talk to Jensen for the rest of the day and she never gives either
of them cookies ever again.
But Jensen doesn't care. Jared's way cooler anyway.

                                   fourteen
It takes Jared two weeks to get up the nerve to ask Sandy out. In that same
amount of time, he talks it over endlessly with Jensen, tries writing it out in
a note and practicing in front of the mirror. Even asks his mama for advice.
"Seriously, just do it," Jensen says after school on Thursday, harshly tugging
loose the tie around his neck. His locker slams shut with a clang and Jared
doesn't miss the irritated frown on his lips.
"But what if she says no?"
"Then she says no," Jensen replies as he shoulders his bag and pushes past
Jared to head down the hall. "The world won't end, dude. I promise."
Jared's not so sure about that, but he can tell Jensen's already in a bitchy
mood so he doesn't push it as he hurries to walk with him. "Whatever. You can
say that because she's totally been crushing on you since forever."
"Dude, seriously? This again?"
"Peanut butter cookies, man. Peanut butter."
"That was in second grade."
"Feelings that pure don't just disappear, Jen," Jared says, fighting a smirk.
But Jensen isn't grinning back. In fact, Jensen's practically glowering as he
shoves open the door and steps outside, takes the few steps down to the
sidewalk with a quick, determined pace.
Jared frowns. They typically hang back to talk for awhile, out of sight of the
black Town Car waiting just around the corner to pick Jensen up from school.
Not that Jeffrey Dean would really care if he saw Jensen hanging out with
Jared, but there's always the chance that one of Jensen's parents might pick
him up instead. And, after the lecture Jensen had gotten the last time, they've
both learned to be more careful.
But Jensen's still walking, not looking back and clearly not in the mood to
hang around.
"Jensen--"
"She'll say yes!" Jensen shouts, his back still to Jared as he rounds the
corner. Out of sight.
Jensen's moodiness isn't really unusual and, after seven years, Jared's mostly
used to it, but he's been even bitchier lately and Jared still can't figure out
why.
He thinks it over on his long walk home, worry knotting tight in his stomach
with every step. He thinks about it over dinner too, and while he's trying to
do his homework, but still gets no closer to a conclusion. Jensen's always been
a little weird about Sandy, but he doesn't hate her. They all hang out together
and Jared knows for a fact that Jensen and Sandy talk and laugh and get along
even when Jared's not around. But he also doesn't miss the way Jensen sometimes
gets a little tense when she's around, how he goes quiet and a little more
reserved.
Jared had asked once if Jensen had a thing for her. But Jensen had only frowned
at him, confused.
"She's like my sister," he'd said, still staring at Jared like he'd grown a
second head. "Only a little less annoying."
"Right," Jared had laughed, somewhat embarrassed and suddenly a lot relieved.
"Right, yeah. Of course."
They'd never talked about it again and Jensen's never discouraged Jared from
his pursuit of her. Just... hasn't exactly encouraged it either. It makes
sense, Jared thinks. Jensen's afraid it'll mess up the dynamic of the
friendship between the three of them, but Jared's determined to prove him
wrong. To prove it'll all be alright.
So on Friday, right before history class, Jared finally asks her out.
She seems confused at first, books clutched to her chest and head tilted upward
as he fumbles through the words. But then she smiles, slow and warm and cocks
her hip. Says, "Wait... Are you asking me out?"
"Uhm," Jared replies, heat climbing up his neck and across his cheeks. "I-
- yeah. I guess. Is that-- I mean, we don't have to if you think it's weird or
if you-- I mean, just being friends is cool, too. I just--"
"Yes," Sandy interrupts with a sweet smile.
"Huh?"
She giggles then, leans in close and drops her voice to a whisper Says, "My
answer's yes," before delicately brushing past him to head to her next class.
:::
"Something wrong, dear?"
Jensen carefully sets down his fork and looks up from his dinner plate. Says,
"No, mama."
Mackenzie's fidgeting in her chair beside him, swinging her legs as she stuffs
a bite of grilled asparagus into her mouth. "Jensen likes a girl," she says and
Jensen shoots her a glare.
"Oh!" says Jensen's mother. "Oh my. Well."
He glances up just long enough to see a slow smile curving his mother's lips
and fights the impulse to slide under the table.
"What's her name, dear?"
Huffing a breath, Jensen wraps a hand tight around the cloth napkin in his lap.
Fights to keep his voice even when he says, "It's no one, mama."
"It's Sandy McCoy," Mackenzie says, her stupid blonde curls bouncing. "And he's
jealous because she likes Jared better."
"Kenzie, would you shut up?" Jensen snaps, fingers tightening around his fork.
"Jared," says his mother, her tone shifting completely, slipping cold and
sharp. "That awful Padalecki boy?"
Jensen grits his teeth and digs his nails into his thigh, a wave of anger
shooting up his spine. He's spent years now hiding his friendship with Jared
from his parents and he hasn't always been successful. The way he's had to lie
and deflect at all times makes him feel like he's trying to hide something
else, something sinister and awful. Like a murder plot or spree of kidnappings.
Or maybe something just really, awfully sinful.
"You know, I saw his father in the store just the other day and the man had the
gall to smile at me! Can you imagine?"
Knowing better than to answer, Jensen keeps his head lowered, gaze focused on
his plate. He doesn't feel very hungry at all anymore.
"It's like he really doesn't know how much he's cost us. Or simply doesn't
care."
"Oh, he knows exactly what he's cost us," Jensen's father pipes in, voice low
but no less frigid. Jensen wraps his napkin around one finger and pulls tight,
focuses on the way the skin at the tip goes cold and numb instead of the one-
sided argument going on between his parents. It's a tired subject by now, one
Jensen could likely recite all by himself should he ever feel the need. Not
that he ever will. So what if Jared's dad is responsible for his family only
having a couple million dollars instead of several? It's just money. No matter
how many times his parents try to make him, he can't bring himself to care.
"The man simply doesn't have the decency he was born with, that's all," his dad
continues. "I almost pity his children. They don't have a hope in Hades of
being brought up as decent human beings."
Jensen feels a nerve twitch in his neck and he roughly lets go of the napkin
curled tight around his finger. Says sharply, "I don't like Sandy McCoy," as he
shoots another glare at his sister. "And I don't care that she's going out with
Jared Padalecki."
Saying Jared's full name feels weird, but anything shorter would seem too
familiar, too friendly and he bites back on the double-edged guilt as he meets
his mother's eyes.
"Oh, well Sandy's a lovely girl," his mother says then, her tone changing once
more to something light and thoughtful. Jensen knows better.
When it becomes apparent that his mother's waiting for a reply, Jensen manages
a shrug. Says, "Yeah, she's nice."
"I had no idea she had such poor taste, though," his mother continues then with
a put-upon sigh. "What a shame."
Jensen picks at the chicken on his plate and doesn't say a word. He can't bring
himself to agree and he knows he can't argue, so he decides to keep his mouth
shut instead, stomach still twisting in on itself.
Luckily, Mackenzie soon grows bored of the topic and starts gushing about some
trip she wants to take to the mall with her friend, Chelsea. Jensen's grateful
for the reprieve and finds it easy enough to tune out the conversation, focuses
instead on finishing his tasteless dinner.
:::
Going out with Sandy McCoy isn't much different than just being friends with
her, Jared discovers.
Sure, they hang out a lot more and call each other on the phone about every
night and her parents drive them to the movies sometimes on the weekend. And
there's all the kissing, which Jared's found he really likes even if he's not
the greatest at it. That's all kind of different.
But mostly it feels just like before. Only with less Jensen.
It's that last part he doesn't like so much.
On the one hand, it's easier. Trying to spend time with Jensen has always been
kind of difficult given how much the Ackles despise Jared. There isn't as much
lying with Sandy and he spends as much time at her place as she does at his. He
never has to worry about who sees them or whether they'll be found out. It's
simple. Easy.
But on the other. Well. She just isn't Jensen.
So when Sandy announces that she's going on vacation with her family over
spring break, Jared can't bring himself to be too upset. He'll miss her, he's
sure of that. But he'll also have a full week to spend with his best friend.
"You should come over," he tells Jensen Wednesday between third and fourth
period. "We can play X-box all night and watch Cinemax or something. As long as
we're quiet my parents won't care."
Jensen frowns. "I'll have to think of a reason."
"Yeah, so? Tell them you're going over to Justin's or something."
"I used that last time."
"Last time was, like, three months ago."
"I just don't think it's a good idea," Jensen says, slowing to a stop outside
his classroom. "Maybe we can go see a movie or something. I can get Jeffrey to
take me to the mall on Monday if you want."
Jared tries to ignore the way his stomach sinks to his knees and forces a
smile. "Yeah, that's-- okay, I guess that'll work."
"Okay," Jensen says, but he doesn't look any happier either. "Cool. I'll call
you later."
He disappears into his classroom before Jared can reply. And he doesn't call.
Jared tries to tell himself it's because Jensen's busy catching up on the
essays he has to write for English and not anything else. But he knows better.
He's just not sure what to do about it.
:::
"Hey, you going to Katie's birthday party this weekend?"
Jared has one arm curled around Sandy's waist just like always, but he's
smiling at Jensen, wide and hopeful. Jensen kind of hates that look.
He shrugs, one hand clamped over the strap of his backpack. "Yeah, I don't
know. Maybe."
It's been five months since Jared and Sandy started dating and four since
Jensen figured out exactly why it bothers him so much. Not that he's said a
word about it and not that he ever intends to. It's not something he likes to
think about at all if he can help it. Sometimes it's easy to ignore, sometimes
he thinks his ridiculous, horrible and wrong feelings are starting to fade. But
then Jared will smile at him again or lean down to kiss Sandy in the middle of
the hall or say Jensen's name in just that particular way and it all comes back
again: the longing and the ache and the pure, blind jealousy.
"C'mon, Jen. You should come," Jared says, something in his tone giving Jensen
pause. There's a plea there, quiet enough to nearly be undetectable, though
Jensen can hear it loud and clear. It's solidified when Jared tilts his head,
brows furrowed just a little bit and a frown tugging the corner of his lips.
"Seriously, man. I hardly see you anymore."
Jensen's gaze flicks to Sandy and he bites back a harsh retort. But her
expression nearly matches Jared's, brown eyes silently pleading and, against
his better judgment, Jensen caves.
It only takes a couple little white lies to convince his mom to let Jeffrey
drive him to the party. His parents don't know Jared will be there, but there's
always the chance he'll be seen and Jensen's learned it's better to be safe
than sorry. Even if 'safe' means not seeing much of Jared at all. Jensen likes
to assure himself that's only partially his fault, what with Jared spending
more and more time with Sandy these days. He can't be totally to blame.
Not that he's bitter.
True to form, Jared and Sandy are already wrapped in each other when Jensen
arrives, but he pretends not to notice, instead heading straight for the
birthday girl with a smile he hopes doesn't look too fake.
"Jensen!" she says, happily wrapping him in a hug. "I didn't think you were
coming!"
"I'm here for the cake," he tells her, managing a small, but more genuine
smile.
"Yeah, right," Katie says, knocking her fist against his arm and then stealing
her present away. "Jared and Sandy are here," she says, nodding over toward the
corner as she rips into the packaging.
Jensen glances over, his smile slipping a little as he wonders when they became
an and. It doesn't sound right in his head. Jared and Sandy. Bulky and
misshaped and wrong.
"Cool," he manages in reply and Katie stops opening her present long enough to
look up at him, one eyebrow arched. There's suspicion there, wary curiosity,
and Jensen deflects her question before it can be asked by blurting out, "It's
the Beatles. Abbey Road. I checked with your mom; she said you didn't have it."
Katie's eyes narrow, her suspicions growing noticeably and Jensen forces a
smile back into place, tries to make it look as real as possible if just a
little sheepish. "Do you like it?"
"You okay?" she asks, completely ignoring him, present still half unwrapped.
"Yeah, just-- worried you won't like your present."
Katie doesn't look at all convinced, eying him for another moment longer before
finally caving, small shoulders relaxing with a breath. "Yeah, of course.
Thanks, Jensen."
"Happy birthday," he says with another soft, awkward laugh.
And Katie smiles for real then, shoves at him with one hand and says, "Cake's
in the kitchen. Doofus."
Taking the out for what it is, Jensen slips away to wander the perimeter of the
room before ducking into the kitchen. His stomach is still too twisted up to
really appreciate the cake, but he eats a slice anyway, licking the frosting
from his fingers when a familiar figure barges in.
"Jensen! You came!"
Wincing inwardly, Jensen turns. "Someone promised there'd be cake," he says
because it's still the only excuse he can think of.
And he knows it's a stupid line, but it works, Jared's smile only growing
wider. Jensen finds himself returning it despite himself. Jared's always kind
of had that effect on him, this innate ability to make him smile when he'd
really rather not.
"Yeah, I already had, like, ten slices," Jared admits.
"I'm shocked."
"It's good cake!"
"Like that matters. You'd probably eat it even if it tasted like solid onions
or something."
Jared seems to consider that for a second and then shrugs. "Yeah, maybe. I'd at
least try it."
"Gross," Jensen replies, nose wrinkling, though he still can't help his smile.
And then Sandy walks in, fits herself right up against Jared's side. Says,
"Hey, Jensen!" just like she always does, like she's just as happy to see him
as she is to see Jared and Jensen has to fight to keep his smile from
faltering.
He must do a pretty good job of it as it doesn't seem like Sandy notices, her
attention shifting quickly back to Jared. "God, are you getting more?"
"I'm sorry, have you not met the bottomless pit?" Jensen says as he pops a bite
of cake into his mouth.
"Dude, are you callin' me fat?"
"No, I'm calling you a human garbage disposal. There's a difference."
Sandy snorts out a quiet laugh and slides her hand to Jared's stomach as she
curls in closer, smiling up at him. It reeks of such a casual intimacy that
Jensen can barely stand it, his nerves tightening, prickling with the sudden
urge to get the hell out. Away. To go somewhere and bemoan his sad existence.
It's a familiar feeling by now, but no less powerful. Particularly since it's
getting harder and harder to fight. He's sure Jared must know by now or is at
least getting suspicious, and the idea of him discovering Jensen's secret is
even worse than watching Sandy hang all over him every day at school. If he
could just find a way to get rid of these ridiculous feelings, they could be
okay again, Jensen knows. It'll happen one day. It has to.
But knowing that doesn't make it easier at the moment. Because, right now,
Jensen's fixated on where Jared's hand is curled around Sandy's hip, holding
her like he doesn't ever want to let her go.
Jensen chokes a little on the bite of cake in his mouth when he tries to
swallow. Fighting the flush of jealousy and embarrassment, he nods toward the
doorway and mumbles, "I gotta-- bathroom," before offering a wane, strained
smile. "I'll meet up with you guys later, okay?"
He doesn't miss the way Jared's lips twitch into a frown before he ducks his
head and pushes his way out of the kitchen, back into the mess of party-goers.
The bathroom is at the end of the hall and Jensen gets stopped by a number of
people on the way, each one happy and surprised to see him. It helps, actually,
and by the time he reaches his destination, he doesn't feel quite as bad as
before.
But still pretty pathetic.
He closes and locks the door behind him and then stands in front of the sink,
his hands on the vanity as he stares at his reflection in the mirror. His hair
is spiked up a little more than normal and there's a tiny streak of frosting at
the corner of his lips that he quickly wipes away. Other than that, he looks
the same as always: scrawny and pale with eyes that are too big and a mouth
that's too red and freckles that are too... freckley. And there's a zit on his
chin. Figures.
Seriously, even if Jared were as messed up as Jensen, there's no chance in hell
he'd--
A sharp bang on the door jolts him out of his self-loathing, heart momentarily
leaping up into his throat before he says, "Someone's in here!"
"It's Jared. Let me in."
Jensen's heart does another hop and he grips the counter tighter, takes a
second to pull in a single slow breath and rubs a hand over his face. "Just-
- hang on a sec."
"No," Jared replies, giving the door another loud thunk. "Let me in, I'm
serious. I need to talk to you."
"Dude, I'm peeing."
"No, you're not, you're... I don't know, pouting or something. What the hell's
going on?"
Jensen cringes at how true Jared's flippant accusation really is and seriously
considers keeping up the argument. Except he hates arguing with Jared even more
than he hates having these stupid feelings for him and he curses under his
breath and stalks to the door, yanks it open with a sharp glare already in
place.
"What do you want, Jared?"
Jared still has one hand raised in mid-knock and he looks a little surprised
that Jensen's caved so soon. Dropping his arm, he lets out a huff and then nods
past Jensen's shoulder. "Can we just... talk for a second?"
"Okay," Jensen says, still standing with one hand on the door. "Talk."
Jared rolls his eyes. "In private?"
Jensen hesitates, his gaze flicking past Jared to the crowd of people filling
the hall beyond. Nobody's really paying them any attention, but they could at
any time. And being seen stepping into a bathroom with another guy is most
definitely not a good move, Jensen knows. Not unless said bathroom is attached
to a locker room.
But Jared's giving him that look, half wounded and half determined, and Jensen
relents, steps far back into the bathroom to give Jared more than enough space
to push inside, door clicking shut behind him.
"What's up?" Jensen says, feigning casual even as he crosses his arms over his
chest.
Jared's not falling for it though, his brow furrowing in what looks like
growing worry. "You gonna tell me what's wrong?"
"Huh?" Jensen says, still clinging to his attempt at nonchalance. "What's wrong
with what?"
"With you?"
"Nothing's wrong with me. Except you trying to invade my private pee time.
Gross, by the way."
He says it with a hint of a smile, an attempt to make Jared loosen up a little
and maybe convince him there's really nothing wrong. That it's all okay.
Because Jensen thinks sometimes if he pretends long enough and hard enough,
it'll eventually become true.
"You know, if you don't want to be my friend anymore, you could just tell me."
And that's enough to make Jensen stop short, eyes going wide as he runs the
sentence back through head, tries to make some kind of sense out of it.
"What?" he finally sputters, too shocked and confused to manage much else.
"You've been my best friend since second grade and now you're... I don't know.
It's like you can't even stand to be around me anymore. Anytime I mention
wanting to hang out or do something, you have some excuse to get out of it. And
then when you do show, it's like you're not really even there and I don't know-
-"
"Jared, I don't-"
"Is it your parents?"
Jensen's frown deepens in further confusion and he shakes his head. "Huh? What
about my parents?"
"They hate me. They hate my entire family just because of some stupid piece of
land. But I thought..." he trails off, punctuating his sentence with a
frustrated sound before his eyes harden, going dark and piercing. It's almost
frightening how angry he looks, but beneath it all, Jensen can see something
else. Something that makes Jensen's stomach twist and his heart ache. "I
thought you were different, Jensen. It's been years now and I really thought
you didn't care about what they said, but I guess--"
"I don't!" Jensen says, the words bursting out of him loud enough to surprise
Jared into silence. "It's not-- it has nothing to do with that, Jared. I don't
give a crap what my parents think."
Jared still looks skeptical and Jensen takes a step forward, unable to hide the
weird plea in his voice. "I swear, okay? Please just-- believe that, alright?
I've never cared about any of that."
Of course, it's not entirely true. Jensen does care what his parents think and
knows full well that they'd disown him on the spot if they had any idea of what
he really is, the things he thinks about. But that's different. That doesn't
have anything to do with Jared. Not really.
Except how the things he thinks about always include Jared.
They stand just watching each other for a long moment, Jared's gaze wary before
he manages a slow nod. Says, "Okay," reluctantly before crossing his arms over
his chest. "Then what is it? What's wrong?"
And suddenly Jensen wishes he'd just gone with that excuse, just blamed
everything on his parents' stupid grudge and let that be the end of it. Because
Jensen knows Jared, and Jared won't stop now, not until he's satisfied with
Jensen's reasons. Not until he gets the awful truth. And then that'll be it;
Jared will finally understand how disgusting Jensen is -- twisted and wrong and
sinful -- and that'll be the end of everything.
So Jensen shrugs, picks at a piece of lint clinging to his shirt at his elbow.
"I don't know," he lies, gaze dropping to the tiled floor. "I just. I didn't
want to get in the way, you know?"
It's close enough to the truth that Jensen thinks it might do the trick, but
Jared's already shaking his head. "No, I don't know," he says, voice colder
than Jensen's used to. Harsher. "What the hell would you be in the way of?"
Jensen grimaces. Hates that this whole conversation is making him feel like
some stupid girl with a crush. Hates even more that that's almost exactly what
he is.
He doesn't know how to answer. Blaming it all on Sandy seems childish, but what
else can he say? There isn't anything else and Jared's not stupid enough to
believe some lie Jensen makes up on the spot.
But it turns out he doesn't even have to come up with anything. Jared gets this
look on his face, this slow, dawning realization, his eyebrows relaxing and
lips parting on a soundless breath and Jensen can literally see him putting it
all together, figuring it out piece by horrible piece.
"You..." he starts, quietly gaping a little. "Holy shit." Jensen winces, stares
down at his feet while his insides rearrange themselves violently. His face is
bright red, he can tell, skin tight around his bones as he becomes more and
more exposed, stripped bare under Jared's mounting scrutiny. "But you're not...
you don't..."
"I'm not," Jensen agrees, glancing up sharply. He feels like he's trying to
convince himself more than Jared.
Jared's frown deepens and he shakes his head again, still clearly confused.
"I'm not, but I don't--" Jensen huffs out a frustrated breath, his voice
cracking embarrassingly as he says, "I've been trying to stop it for months,
okay? And I don't--" He falters again with a choked, rough sound and takes a
harsh breath.
Surprisingly, Jared doesn't look disgusted or even appalled. Just increasingly
confused.
It doesn't really make Jensen feel that much better.
"Look, just-- you get it now, don't you?" he says, the pent-up anger and hurt
and self-loathing making him snap. "Surprise! Your so-called best friend's a
dirty fag! Problem solved! So now you can just go off and have a beautiful,
perfect relationship with your beautiful, perfect girlfriend and leave me
alone! Nothing more to worry about here!"
It comes out sounding even worse than he'd intended, the bitter, obvious
jealousy dripping in every word.
And Jared's still just staring at him, clearly stunned, cheeks tinged a faint
red.
Jensen waits, hands balled into fists at his sides, readying for whatever
Jared's sure to unleash. Because he knows Jared better than he knows anyone. So
he knows that, while it sometimes takes a lot to get Jared well and truly
pissed off, once he reaches that point, it's like detonating a nuclear bomb.
Jensen's just waiting for it to hit.
But the seconds tick by and Jared doesn't move. Like his whole world has turned
upside-down and left him dangling, immobile with shock. Like he doesn't even
know who Jensen is anymore.
The idea of that is somehow even worse. Jensen's shoulders sag and a breath
pushes past his lips, all fight disappearing in an instant. Swallowing roughly,
he manages a step forward, head ducked and ignoring the way Jared goes visibly
tense at the movement.
"Just..." he says, waving vaguely at the door that Jared's blocking. "You're-
- I won't touch you, I promise. I just... I need to get to the door."
Jared startles at the sound of Jensen's voice, but he otherwise doesn't move.
Still a gangly, too-tall barrier between Jensen and his feeble image of
freedom.
Jensen sighs, defeated and suddenly bone-tired, as he raises his head again.
"Please, Jared," he says. "I just want to go home."
It's the most honest thing he's said all evening and something in his tone
seems to make Jared snap back into it, his mouth shutting with an audible clack
as he breathes in sharp through his nose.
"Jen. Why didn't you tell me?"
His voice is barely a whisper, but it sounds too-loud in the confined space of
the bathroom. Louder with how close they're standing, only inches apart. He
doesn't seem angry so much as hurt. Betrayed.
Wincing, Jensen doesn't answer for a long moment. There are a million different
things he could say, more than a few he'll never admit ever. But Jared deserves
at least one, he knows that much.
He shrugs. Meet's Jared's eyes and says, "I thought it'd go away." Hates how
weak it makes him sound. How pathetic.
"But it didn't," Jared says. It isn't a question.
Jensen wills himself to not look away, throat closing tight as he shakes his
head.
When Jared finally moves, it's not in the way Jensen's expecting: forward
instead of aside, closing the space between them even further. Shuddering a
breath, Jensen instinctively tries to step back. But he can't because Jared has
a hand on him, long fingers wrapped around his forearm, holding him in place.
"Why not?"
It's a simple question. Jensen hears it loud and clear, understands it
completely. Still he frowns and shakes his head, feigning ignorance with a
stubborn determination. Because answering means admitting something all the
more damning, something he can't ever take back. Something that will change
their relationship forever and not for the better.
Jared's grip tightens slightly, not enough to hurt, but enough to make a point.
And he's still looking at Jensen, eyes all dark and intent. Like they get
sometimes when he's studying algebra. Jared hates algebra.
"Jensen," he says, again just a whisper. A plea.
But Jensen won't give him this. Can't. He twists his wrist sharply and yanks
free, surprised when Jared lets him go without a fight, and tries to shove
past.
Jared's still a barrier though, still standing directly between Jensen and the
door. Not fighting, but not moving.
Gritting his teeth, Jensen shoves his shoulder into Jared's, putting all his
weight into trying to knock his friend off balance. It doesn't work. Jared only
leans into him, one leg back against the door so that even when Jensen manages
to get his hand on the knob, it doesn't open. They spend a long moment just
like that, pushing against each other with stifled grunts before Jensen lunges
back, chest aching and face twisted as he tries to fight the mortified tears
that are attempting to break free.
"Let me out!" he shouts, hands balled into fists and Jared only flattens
himself further against the door.
"Not until you tell me why."
"You know why!" Jensen's almost livid with it now, humiliated and terrified and
breaking apart from the inside. He'd counted on Jared being angry, but even at
his most upset, Jared's never been cruel. Not until now.
"You're my best friend!" Jared shoots back. "If I let you out right now, you're
just gonna run home and then you'll have to deal with your parents and I know
you don't wanna-- God, just talk to me, Jensen."
"And say what? What do you want to hear? Want me to just spell it out for you
so you know just how sick and pathetic I really am?"
"Jensen--"
"I'm in love with you, okay? Is that clear enough? I think about you all the
time, want you all the time, but you're so wrapped up in Sandy that you don't
even notice I'm here most of the time!"
"That's... Jensen, that's not true."
"It is true. Every time you want to hang out, Sandy's there. Every time I meet
you at your locker and try to sit with you at lunch or go to some party or
whatever, Sandy's there. And I'm just... I'm the stupid loser who's just
following you around--"
"Stop saying that," Jared cuts in, anger flashing bright once more. "You're not
some stupid loser, Jensen. You're not pathetic or gross or whatever else you
think you are. You're my best friend."
"Well, I want more than that!" Jensen shouts back, adrenaline finally getting
the better of him as he steps in closer, nearly nose to nose with Jared. "It's
sick and selfish, but I don't want to just be your friend anymore, Jared. And I
know I can't have that, but I can't just turn it off. Sometimes I don't even
know if I want to. It hurts all the time, but I can't-- I don't know--"
He snaps his mouth shut when Jared grabs hold of his arm, fights the impulse to
pull away and instead stands very still, a nerve twitching in his jaw as he
sucks in a quick breath.
"Stop it," Jared says, quiet, but startlingly clear. Jensen trembles with the
effort to keep still as Jared's hand slides up over his shoulder, finds himself
staring into concerned hazel eyes. "You're freaking out."
Jensen makes a choked noise, something just to the left of a laugh and then
Jared's leaning in, lips brushing against Jensen's before Jensen has any idea
of what's going on.
It's a quick kiss. Dry and soft and, when Jared pulls back a second later, he
looks about as stunned as Jensen feels.
"What..." Jensen starts, shuddering on an inhale.
Jared's eyes are wide and he immediately drops his hand, smacks hard against
the door as he takes a step back.
"Shit, I didn't-- I'm sorry. I'm not... God, Jen, I swear I'm not trying to-- I
just... I wanted to. I've thought about it sometimes and you were just... shit,
I'm sorry. That was fucking stupid, I'm sorry."
Jensen's still too stunned to make much sense of what Jared's saying, but
there's one piece that gets through the rest and, latching onto it, can't hide
the hope in his tone. "Wait, you-- you've thought about it? About what?"
Jared swallows, eyes still wide. "That," he finally says, clarifying nothing
before adding, "kissing you."
It doesn't make sense. Not at all.
Jensen's completely rooted to the spot, lips still tingling faintly. "But--" he
says, trying to piece it all together: his confession and rightful terror and
Sandy and the fact that Jared just kissed him, but it's not working. There's
nothing there, but a huge, convoluted mess. "I don't--"
"I really like Sandy," Jared says then, quiet. Like he's the one confessing
this time. "I always have."
Jensen manages to not wince because he knows this much, Jared isn't telling him
anything new. And there's something about Jared's tone this time that makes
Jensen think he shouldn't interrupt, maybe should wait and see where this is
going.
"But she's not..." Jared trails off, makes a frustrated sound before flicking a
glance at Jensen. "I think I knew. About you, I mean. Before you... just now.
But I always thought I was just seeing what I wanted to see, you know?"
Jensen swallows, skin prickling as heat rises to his cheeks again. It's not in
humiliation so much this time though, but something else.
Taking a shaky breath, Jensen forces himself to speak, fingers fidgeting at his
sides as he whispers, "And now?"
Jared shrugs, a rueful smile tugging at one corner of his lips. "Dunno. It... I
guess it changes some things. Maybe."
"Maybe?"
"If you want. I don't know. I wasn't really expecting this."
Jensen snorts out a laugh, the sound surprising the both of them. Jared's face
splits into a slow, sweet smile and Jensen feels some of the tension drain
free. "Yeah, uh," he says, lifting a hand to scratch at his neck. "I wasn't
really planning on ever telling you."
"I'm glad you did," Jared says, softer, his smile slipping a little.
"I thought you'd hate me."
"I could never hate you."
Jensen can't help his smile then as warmth blooms inside his chest, pushing
outward by the second as Jared watches him. "So, what now? What do we--"
BANG!-BANG!-BANG!
Jensen jumps at the sound, words cut short as Jared springs away from the
shaking door.
"Hey, you about done in there?" comes a voice on the other side. "Got some
people out here who really need to pee!"
"Shit," Jensen breathes, darting a glance at Jared. He doesn't know how long
they've been in here, but he's pretty sure it's been enough to arouse
suspicion. Not to mention the fact that he hadn't exactly been quiet in the
heat of the argument; there's no telling what anyone beyond that door had
heard.
But Jared just shouts right back: "Use the one upstairs!"
"Someone's in there!"
"Then-- hell, go find a bush or something!" Jared snaps. "Kitchen sink, I don't
care."
Jensen doesn't bother trying to curb his laugh, the sound bubbling out of him
as the guy on the other side of the door gives another hard thump and grumbles,
"Asshole!"
Jared watches him, his smile growing by the second and his voice softens when
he says, "I hope Katie's mom heard that."
"I really hope she didn't," Jensen says with complete sincerity, though he
can't seem to stop smiling. He feels practically giddy all of a sudden,
invincible. Like he and Jared are finally on the same page for the first time
in years, that everything's right, just as it should be. Like inside this tiny
room with the blue tiles and seashell wallpaper, they're safe.
When Jared takes his hand a second later, hesitantly twining their fingers
together, Jensen feels it down to his toes. And he knows there's no going back.
:::
It takes another week before Jared finally gets up the nerve to break it off
with Sandy and he spends the entire time beforehand feeling like a first rate
asshole. She doesn't take it well; Jared hadn't really expected her to. Mostly
because the reason he gives her kind of sucks.
"You still like me," she says to him, repeating his words, but with an
altogether different tone.
"I-- yeah," Jared says, cringing. "I really like you, but it's... kinda
complicated."
"It's not complicated, Jared. You either want to go out with me or you don't."
Jared wants to argue that, but he isn't quite sure how. He'd promised Jensen he
wouldn't tell anyone and, if he's completely honest, he doesn't want anyone to
know either. Not because he's ashamed, but because he just doesn't know how
anyone else will react and he's not really looking forward to finding out.
Plus, it's not like he and Jensen are really dating. Not exactly. Dating, as
far as Jared's always understood it, means maybe paying for dinner and going to
the movies and talking on the phone for hours at a time. He and Jensen are
more... well, it's like they always used to be, but just amplified a little.
For the first time in months, Jared feels like he has his best friend back, but
it's even better now. They kiss sometimes. Sit closer on Jared's bed while they
talk and study and play X-box. Rough house and wrestle, but with an edge to it
that always leaves Jared hard and Jensen red-faced and gorgeous and panting.
It's good. Really good.
Light-years better than it'd been with Sandy and he's really never had any
complaints with her.
But he can't tell Sandy that. Not any of it.
"I guess..." he starts, eyes lowered, focused on seam of tile at his feet. "I
don't know, I guess--"
"You don't," Sandy finishes for him, reaches out to grab his chin and force his
face up so he has to look at her. And that sucks even more because then he can
see the way her eyes are watery and rimmed red. The way her bottom lip trembles
a little when she says, "Why? What'd I do?"
"You didn't do anything," Jared insists, grabbing her wrist lighting and
fighting the urge to step forward and pull her close. He's pretty sure that'd
be a bad move right now. Is sure of it when Sandy grimaces and twists her wrist
free. "I swear, this is just... it's something I have to do. I'm sorry, Sandy.
I really-- if things were different, I'd still want--"
Sandy cuts him off with a rough, bitter-sounding laugh. "What's different,
Jared? Last week we were fine and now..."
"It's different," Jared says, practically pleading for Sandy to understand.
"Please just-- it's not you, okay?"
"Oh God, don't even try the whole 'it's-not-you-it's-me' thing. I've seen way
too many movies to fall for that one."
Jared frowns briefly and then lights up. Says, "But that's-- Yes! That's
exactly what it is!"
She gives another laugh, just as humorless as the last, but louder. She's
smiling too, but there's nothing in the expression that Jared recognizes. Her
eyes are dark, face pinched. It's really kind of scary. "Whatever, Jared," she
snaps, giving him one last hard look before shoving past him. "Have a nice
life."
It's the last thing she says to him for two whole weeks.
Jensen notices after the first few days. They're leaning against the brick wall
of the school, around the corner from where Jeffrey Dean is doubtlessly already
waiting to collect Jensen from school, delaying the inevitable just a little
bit longer.
"I think Sandy's really upset," Jensen says, voice low as their elbows brush.
Jared frowns, head ducked as he stares down at his shoes. "Yeah," he replies as
he kicks at a loose clump of grass. "Pretty sure she hates me now."
They fall into a silence then, but not a hugely uncomfortable one. The breeze
makes Jared's unruly hair flick across his forehead as he squints across the
expanse of field that stretches out beyond the school. They're not quite alone,
a few students still lingering, taking their time in getting to their cars or
out to the practice fields, but no one's paying them any attention. For a
second, he thinks about taking Jensen's hand, wonders whether he could get away
with it, whether anyone would notice if he kept the connection tucked away
between them.
But Jensen cuts that idea off at the knees when he says, "Do you regret it?"
It only takes Jared a second to get what Jensen's talking about and he turns to
look at him, frowning faintly. Jensen's not watching him, eyes trained down at
his feet, the thin line of his lips giving away just how much weight his
question really carries, how important Jared's answer is.
"Well, I'm not really happy about hurting her," Jared confesses, his voice
quiet. "That sucked. It's not much fun being an asshole, you know?"
Jensen nods, but doesn't look up, expression unchanged.
"But, if you're talking about whether I regret wanting this? You and me? I...
really don't at all."
He's a little surprised by how sincerely he means it. He's thought about it a
lot since Katie's party, about what this whole thing means, these feelings he
has for Jensen, how huge they are. It's more than what he'd felt for Sandy, but
not entirely different. Just... more intense. And scarier, too. Because he
knows he has to hide it. And not just from Jensen's parents, but from his own,
from the kids and teachers at school, from his friends. From everyone but
Jensen.
Jared's never been very good at hiding what he feels. But he still doesn't
regret it and doesn't think he ever will; it seems a relatively small sacrifice
for what he gets in return.
He watches Jensen's face intently, notices the second he starts to relax, lips
curving into a tiny, hopeful little smile as he turns to look over at Jared,
head still ducked.
"Really?"
Jared finds himself mirroring the smile, a strange blush heating his cheeks.
"You're my best friend, Jensen. Always will be. And now it's just... it's more.
Better."
He feels a little ridiculous saying all that, like he's one step away from
professing some deep, abiding love like every girl in every book they have to
read for English. Even if he doesn't know if love is really what he's feeling
at all. If it's not, it must be something close.
"Yeah," Jensen says, all-out beaming now and Jared's ribs feel suddenly a
little too tight. "It's really good."
There's only one thing Jared wants to do right then and he shifts his weight
toward Jensen, body curved away from the rest of the world as he grins down at
Jensen with clear intent. Jensen's smile falters a little and his eyes go wide
and it's the only thing that stops Jared from doing something phenomenally
stupid out there in the open.
That and the voice that rumbles just beyond his shoulder.
"Jensen. You ready to go?"
They both jolt, Jared's shoulder hitting the brick wall as he whirls around to
see Jeffrey Dean watching them, chauffeur cap low on his head and eyes dark.
"Yeah. Yes," Jensen says immediately, not even so much as glancing at Jared as
he hurries away. "Sorry, we were, uh. We got caught up talking about our
English projects."
"Mmm," Jeffrey replies, his hard features relaxing somewhat as Jensen passes
him. "You need to start keeping better track of time, kid. Think I like dicking
around this place waiting on you all day? Got things to do, man. People to see.
Orders to follow."
The tone is just warm enough for Jared to know he's teasing, but there's a
certain threat behind it, too. Or maybe a warning. Jeffrey's always kept his
and Jensen's interactions a secret from Jensen's parents, has even gone so far
as to lie for them, driving Jensen to and from Jared's place on the pretense of
going somewhere else. But Jared's fairly sure the man has his limits, that
there are just some things he can't and won't condone.
"Sorry," Jared says, for him and Jensen both.
"It's cool," Jeffrey says with an easy shrug as Jensen disappears around the
corner. "Just don't make it a habit, alright?"
Swallowing, Jared nods, still hoping like hell the man doesn't suspect
anything.
And Jeffrey must see some of Jared's internal panic in his face because the guy
cocks his head to one side, brows creasing slightly. "Hey. You okay?"
"Yeah," Jared says quickly, pasting on an immediate smile. "Yeah, I'm good.
Just. You know."
Jeffrey nods and gives a quiet sound of understanding. "Jensen told me about
you and Sandy. Sucks. But if it ain't workin', it ain't workin', right? It'll
get easier, I promise. One break-up won't kill her." Pausing, his lips quirk
into a teasing smile and he adds, "Especially from a goofy-lookin' kid like
you."
Despite himself, Jared laughs. Relief and surprise making it genuine. "That's
supposed to be reassuring?"
"Hey, it's the best I got."
Still smiling, Jared shakes his head and adjusts the backpack hanging from one
shoulder. "Well... thanks," he says. "I guess."
Jeffrey Dean only nods, then gives Jared a quick half-assed salute before
turning to head back to the familiar black car parked at the curb. Jared
watches him for a moment before letting his gaze wander to the car itself,
squints in a fruitless attempt to see past the dark tint of the windows to
where he knows Jensen's sitting.
Something clenches tight around his insides at the thought of Jensen in there
alone and he lifts a hand in a subtle wave. Just in case Jensen's watching.

                                   sixteen
"So are you guys, like, Sandy's bodyguards or something?"
Jared laughs around his bite of burger while Sandy grimaces at the display and
rolls her eyes.
"Why, we making you nervous?" Jensen says, clearly trying to sound like he's
joking around. Friendly. But there's a certain edge in his tone and Jared's own
laughter stalls slightly in turn. He shifts in his seat to press his leg
against Jensen's under the table, a quiet sort of reassurance.
They've only been here for about twenty minutes, just long enough to get their
food, and it's been nothing but awkward the entire time. Jared is at least
trying to like the guy since Sandy's been all but begging them to meet him for
weeks now. His name's Chad -- "Chad Michael, actually, but, it's cool, you can
just call me Chad" -- and he goes to public school on the other side of town.
Sandy met him at some kind of Academic Bowl competition or something.
He doesn't really seem like her type, but Jared's keeping that to himself.
Jensen seems to be having a harder time.
"Psh. Right. Could take you both with my hands tied behind my back."
Jensen snorts and Jared does his best not to kick him under the table.
"Look, I'm just trying to figure out the deal here," Chad says. He's sprawled
back, one arm draped over Sandy's shoulder, the other resting on the table,
palm out as he talks. "Because, uh. No offense or anything, but this feels
kinda like a double date." Before anyone can answer, the guy wrinkles his nose,
lips twisting into a slow sneer. "It's not, is it?"
Jared can feel the way Jensen's entire body goes tense beside him and he knocks
their knees together lightly, trying to calm him as much as can.
"Dude, chill. We're just friends. And Sandy's been talking about you for weeks
so we figured we should check you out. Make sure you're worthy and all that."
He keeps his tone light and warm and it seems to do the trick, Chad's face
breaking into a relaxed smile as he shoots a look at Sandy. "For weeks, huh?"
he says and Sandy smiles shyly, ducking her head.
Jared can't help thinking that she doesn't seem very Sandy-like with this guy.
He's not sure how he feels about that.
"Well, I am pretty fucking awesome," Chad concedes, pulling Sandy in closer.
"Chicks can't help but be drawn to me."
"I think I'm gonna hurl," Jensen mutters and Jared fakes a cough to cover it
up, managing a pained, reassuring smile when Sandy asks him if he's okay and
Jensen just continues glaring.
The rest of dinner is largely more of the same with Jensen barely bothering to
contain his disdain for Chad while Jared and Sandy do their best to gloss over
it. Jared actually finds himself kind of liking the guy. He's a little
inappropriate and definitely kind of douchey, but he's funny, too. His jokes
are crass and low-brow, but they have Jared genuinely guffawing halfway through
dinner even with Jensen stewing beside him.
They go to a movie after, the latest Will Farrell comedy that Jared's been
excited to see for awhile, and he makes a point of putting as much space
between Jensen and Chad as possible. Sandy seems to have the same idea, the two
of them managing to crowd in together with their respective dates on opposite
sides.
"I hate this," Jensen grumbles as the lights dim and Jared squirms in his seat,
shifts so that he can hook his ankle with Jensen's in the darkness.
"Really? You're doing a great job of hiding it," he says with obvious sarcasm,
head ducked and voice low. "It's just for one night. Stop being such an ass."
"I'm the ass?" Jensen hisses. "Chad Michael What-the-Fuck spends twenty minutes
talking about the genius of South Park and I'm the asshole?"
"Dude. I like South Park."
"Yeah, but you've never claimed it's greater than Shakespeare."
Jared smirks despite himself, voice still hushed as the previews start rolling.
"Cut him some slack. Pretty sure he doesn't even really know who Shakespeare
is."
"Yeah, because that makes it better," Jensen growls. "How the hell is he even
in Academic Bowl? Seriously. He has a lower IQ than my left kneecap."
Smirking, Jared just settles his hand on said kneecap, squeezing lightly before
sliding it up to Jensen's thigh, letting it rest there. Jensen shifts a little,
but doesn't shove him off. It's dark enough to go unnoticed and Jared doubts
Chad's going to bother looking over at them when he has Sandy right beside him
anyway.
"Relax," Jared murmurs. "It's just one night."
Jensen takes a slow breath then and Jared can feel the tension in his thigh
slowly drain away. It's not gone completely, Jared knows, but he's just hoping
they can all make it through the rest of the evening without his boyfriend
attempting homicide.
After a few more minutes, Jensen drops one hand over Jared's, thumb hooking
gently to keep him there as the previews start.
"Sandy owes us so bad for this one," he says.
Jared chuckles and leans in. Whispers, "I'll make it up to you," against
Jensen's ear and revels in the way it makes him shiver and tighten his grip on
Jared's hand.
:::
They'd gone pretty fast at the beginning. From slow kisses to heavy petting to
greedy mouths and naked skin and grappling, eager, desperate hands within a few
short months. All uncoordinated, gangly limbs as they scrambled and slotted
together, rutting and grinding on Jared's bed while whining into each others
mouths. It'd taken some experimenting and practice and Jensen had had his fair
share of freak-outs along the way, but in time they'd found what worked best
for both of them and Jensen slowly came around to accepting what felt good and
just going with it. For the most part anyway.
The first time Jared touched him, Jensen had come on the spot, shaking and red
with embarrassment as Jared muffled a laugh against Jensen's neck. Sticky and
wet in his jeans, Jensen had briefly ignored the tremor of shame and guilt as
he fumbled a hand over Jared's crotch, immediately vindicated when Jared gasped
and arched and shook, spilling before Jensen could even pull down the zipper.
It'd taken Jensen three weeks to so much as kiss Jared again after that, but
since then, he's gotten better. A lot better. The guilt is still there almost
constantly, but he's learned to ignore it. Because having the power to make
Jared say his name in just that perfect pitch feels more incredible than
anything else ever. However wrong it may be, Jensen can't quite get enough of
it.
He's learned Jared's tells now, knows just by the hitch of his breath and the
arch of his back when he's ready. Has it down to a science. An art. And he's
sure nothing else could ever be this good.
"Jensen-- God, Jensen, please-- gonna-- gotta--"
Smirking, Jensen backs off, lips pleasantly sore, as he drags his hand up the
length of Jared's shaft, squeezes tight just below the crown. It's slick with
spit and pre-come, messy in the way Jensen's learned to love.
Jared has his head tipped back, neck and chest flushed red. His hips jerk and
he bends one leg at the knee, foot pressed to the mattress for leverage as he
fruitlessly tries to fuck into Jensen's fist.
"You're close," Jensen says, happily stating the obvious. Grinning, he twists
his wrist and slides his hand down to the root, presses his finger to the soft
skin of Jared's balls, heavy and full and drawn up tight. His voice drops to a
murmur as he continues, ducking low to press kisses along Jared's inner thigh,
the hair there tickling his lips. "Jared... Jared, you're so hot like this."
"Please," Jared whines again.
Jensen grins when he feels Jared's fingers twist into his hair. His breath
stutters on an exhale as he traces one thick vein with his tongue.
Hovering over the tip, he glances up. Jared's watching him, eyes wild and face
glistening with sweat. His hair is everywhere, sticking to his forehead and
cheeks as he nods, gently loosening his grip to touch his thumb to Jensen's
temple like an apology.
"Yes. Want it. God, Jensen, please."
The hitch in Jared's voice is more incentive than the actual words and Jensen
bends forward, shoulders squared as he wraps his lips around the blunt
cockhead, tongue flicking quick over the slit before taking Jared in deep.
Jared grunts beneath him and draws his legs up, spreading wide as Jensen sucks
and licks and groans around him, one hand cradling the full swell of Jared's
balls, encouraging with every rough, stilted exhale.
He's gotten good at this. Really good. He knows how to control his breathing
with his rhythm now, knows just how much of Jared he can take without gagging,
knows the way Jared likes it best: hard and fast alternating with slow and
sloppy, wrist twisting and pumping where his mouth won't reach. And he likes
it, too. Can admit that now. Likes how heavy Jared feels on his tongue, velvety
smooth and so, so hard. Likes the way it makes Jared keen when he does it just
right, stomach muscles fluttering under Jensen's hand as he holds Jared down.
"Gonna-- gonna, oh God-- Jensen-- Jensen--" Jared whines half a second before
his muscles snap tight.
It's just enough warning for Jensen to back off a little, smirking as Jared
shoots, strings of creamy white hitting Jensen's chin and neck, catching on his
lips. Jensen squeezes him through it, fingers slick with spunk as he draws it
out, ducks to lick out the last drop drizzling from the tip, thick and sticky-
bitter.
Jared hisses and jolts a second later and Jensen grins and finally relents,
trailing messy fingers over Jared's hips and down his thighs as he lets himself
drink in the sight of Jared sated and sweaty and stretched out beneath him.
It's not the first time he's seen it, not by a long shot. But he still can't
ever seem to get enough.
Jared's chest is heaving and he rolls his head, groans, "I don't think I can
feel my toes."
He still has one leg bent and curled loosely around where Jensen's kneeling and
Jensen reaches back to feel along his calf, wraps his hand around Jared's
ankle, like he's trying to test it for himself. Make sure Jared's still in one
piece. He cleans his face with his other hand, the scent of Jared's sweat and
jizz overwhelming his senses, thick and musky. It's kind of gross, but it's
also kind of awesome. He likes when his skin smells like Jared.
When Jared finally opens his eyes, Jensen's already grinning, giddy with a
weird sense of power. He always gets this way after making Jared come, knowing
he's the only one who gets to do it, the only one Jared lets touch him like
this. Jensen can hardly believe it sometimes. That it's him; that he got this.
Even if it's wrong and sinful, in these moments, Jensen can't really bring
himself to care.
Jared swallows when their eyes meet and Jensen doesn't miss the flicker of
hunger in the look.
"Messy," he says, coy, as he sucks one finger into his mouth. The mixture of
Jared's come and his own sweat is sharp.
He doesn't have long to enjoy it before Jared's got a hand around his wrist and
is pulling him down. Jensen goes willingly, laughing as their chests collide,
his dick trapped between them.
"Hi," he says.
Jared's gaze flickers between Jensen's eyes and his mouth and his lips twitch
into a grin. "Hi."
Jensen shifts a little, squirms until he's got one leg on either side of
Jared's waist and an elbow on the mattress. They're touching everywhere from
chest to ankle, sweat making their skin stick together and Jensen lifts a hand
to brush the hair away from Jared's face, trails a finger down the slope of his
cheekbone to his lips.
For a long time, they say nothing at all. Jensen traces slow, thoughtful
patterns into Jared's skin and lets the burning need between his legs simmer.
Jared's hands slide down his back, warming him from shoulder to bottom, fingers
skimming along the slope of his spine, like he's learning Jensen by touch,
memorizing the feel of muscle and bone. Jensen arches into it, his dick
dragging along the smooth plane of Jared's stomach with every slow roll of his
hips. It's not nearly enough friction to get him off, but it's still good. More
than good. Especially with the way Jared's mouth opens under his own when
Jensen ducks in for a kiss, all warm and inviting and lazy slip-slide of tongue
on tongue.
When Jared speaks again, it's barely a whisper, hushed against Jensen's mouth.
"Feel good."
Jensen smiles and hums his own appreciation as Jared's hands settle on his
hips, breathes into Jared's open mouth before taking another taste.
He always likes this part especially, Jared warm and loose underneath him,
sleepy and giddy from his orgasm. Jared's always pretty affectionate, but even
more so in these moments. He becomes all hands and soft words, ends up
murmuring all kinds of stupid things that would normally embarrass both of
them.
"Never leave me," he says this time, quiet and airy and Jensen pulls back a
little, grinning.
"Never? What if I have to pee?"
"Mmm," Jared rumbles, spreading his hand over Jensen's ass and holding tight.
"Could be interesting. Tell me more."
"Gross," Jensen snorts, but he's still smiling as he leans down to bump his
nose against Jared's.
Jared tips his head back for another kiss and Jensen teases him, pulling back
and then leaning in again as he shifts his hips, bears down gently into the
meat of Jared's stomach. He knows Jared can feel how hard he is. They'll take
care of it soon.
"'m serious," Jared whispers when he finally catches Jensen's lips, nipping
lightly at the bottom one before pulling back a little to stare up at him.
"Wherever you go, I wanna go, too. Don't care where it is."
Jensen's smile falters a little then, the sincerity in Jared's tone catching
him by surprise and slicing straight to his core.
Swallowing, he says nothing for a long moment and then whispers, "I'm not going
anywhere."
And Jared looks right back, not a hint of teasing in his gaze. "Promise?"
"Yeah, I... I promise," he says, still frowning slightly. "Where would I go?"
"Dunno," Jared says, but Jensen can tell he has some ideas, can see it in the
way Jared's eyebrows bunch and his lips twitch downward. "High school has to
end at some point, right? Can't stay here forever."
"Watch me."
Jared laughs a little, but it sounds strained as he smooths a hand up Jensen's
back. Jensen shivers, but doesn't look away, keeps his eyes locked on Jared as
Jared pulls in a soft breath and says, "I'm really not kidding. I want this
forever," like it's a confession.
"Jared," Jensen breathes, eyes falling shut under the weight of the words.
He opens them only when he feels Jared's hand on his face, thumb sliding along
his cheekbone to the corner of his lips. "You're my best friend," Jared says,
soft enough that Jensen barely hears him at all.
"Forever is a really long time," Jensen replies, but it doesn't feel like an
argument. Not really.
And apparently Jared gets the same idea, his expression clearing into a soft
smile as he swipes his thumb along Jensen's bottom lip. "Yeah. That's kinda
what I'm hopin'."
Jensen laughs then, can't keep it in as he feels his chest warm and expand and
he leans down to crash his mouth against Jared's. "You're crazy, you know
that?" he says, dark and teasing against his lips.
"You love me."
Jensen growls softly in answer, his laughter turning hungrier as he presses in,
his tongue sliding alongside Jared's. And Jared opens to it, tips his head back
with a soft moan as his hand settles on Jensen's throat, fingers light against
his pulse point. Jensen could get off like this, he knows, and he rocks his
hips forward, relishing the friction as they kiss, wet and deep. The pleasure
is building and coiling low in his spine when Jared pulls back and Jensen can't
help the whimper that falls free as his eyes snap open.
"Jared--" he breathes, half a whine, already leaning in for more, desperate for
it.
But Jared, mouth red and wet, turns his head. Grunts, "I want you to fuck me."
Jensen's breath catches and his heartbeat trips and restarts. It's not the
first time Jared's brought it up, but it's still something they've never done,
the idea of it filling Jensen with equal parts excitement and total panic.
That's going too far. Kissing and touching and even blowjobs are one thing;
actually being inside Jared is something else entirely. As long as they don't
do that, don't go that far, Jensen can tell himself they aren't really doing
anything wrong.
That they're just friends who fool around a lot and... apparently talk about
things like forever.
Right.
Ducking down, Jensen hides his face against Jared's chest, tries distracting
him with kisses and bites, tongue flicking out over the pebbled skin of Jared's
nipple.
He gets a sharp hiss for his efforts and Jared's grip on him tightens. Blunt
nails dig into his butt cheek as Jared presses him down, silently encouraging
him to keep grinding against Jared's hip. And Jensen's more than happy to go
with it, groaning quietly with every slow roll. He's already so close, if he
comes-- if he does it just like this, it won't be an issue anymore. Nothing to
worry about. At least for a few minutes.
"Jensen," Jared gasps when Jensen still doesn't back down, nipping and licking
around the sensitive peak. "Jensen, c'mon. I know you wanna. I know-- God,
please. I want it, too. Want it so bad."
Normally, Jared doesn't press the issue. Normally, Jensen finds ways -- ways
that usually involve his mouth -- to distract Jared away from it.
He doesn't know if it'll work this time.
He doesn't know if he even wants it to.
Jared's hand slides inward, the tips of his fingers grazing the crease of
Jensen's ass and Jensen's breath shudders again, lips slack around the peak of
Jared's nipple. It's barely a whisper of a touch, but the intent is clear. He
blinks, suddenly light-headed as the need sharpens, settles hot and heavy
between his legs, Jared's questing finger sliding lower yet.
"Please," Jared whispers again, arching slightly beneath Jensen's weight. "I
have-- I got stuff. Like, condoms and lube so it'll... it'll be good, Jensen.
It'll be really good, I promise. Please."
"Jared--" It comes out a little choked, a little strained, and Jared's hands
slide up his sides, gripping tight as Jensen hides his face in the curve of
Jared's neck.
"Think about it all the time," Jared murmurs, low enough that Jensen feels the
words more than hears them, a quiet rumble against his chest and a thrum
against his lips. "Think about how it'll feel. It's-- I've tried it with my
fingers a couple times. Just to see."
"Fuck," Jensen groans, hips rocking forward of their own accord, his dick
already leaking.
"It feels good," Jared tells him, still quiet as Jensen's resolve starts to
crumble. "Weird at first, but... God, so good. You have no idea, Jensen, it's
so... I want you in there. Wanna feel you in me. Bet it'll be fucking amazing."
Jensen whines at the sound of Jared's voice, shivers with every promise, his
teeth scraping the skin along Jared's collarbone.
And the thing is, Jared's not wrong; Jensen wants it. God, does he want it.
He's thought about it from both sides, about how it might feel to bury himself
in Jared or have Jared inside him. It sounds painful and kind of gross, but he
knows it has to feel at least a little good or guys wouldn't do it. It wouldn't
be a sin. Every time his mind wanders in that direction, Jensen feels hot with
shame and even hotter with arousal, dizzy with the conflicting emotions.
But he can't stop thinking about it. Can't stop wanting it. More and more all
the time.
And now Jared's offering yet again, begging and Jensen can't say no. Doesn't
want to.
His lips brush Jared's ear as he sucks in a shaky breath, one hand sliding from
Jared's shoulder to his throat, slick with sweat. He can't form the words at
first, can only manage a bare nod and Jared's hands move to his hips, settle
there until Jensen can finally find his voice.
"Yes," he breathes and Jared's grip tightens, nearly bruising.
When Jared groans, low and aching, Jensen feels it against his palm, a gentle
vibration that shoots through his arm and down into his chest. A twist of his
hips and he can feel Jared getting hard between them, slowly thickening
alongside Jensen's dick.
Swallowing, Jensen pulls back a little, meets Jared's eyes, which are as wide
as he figures his own must be.
"I don't-- I don't really... do I just..."
Jared smiles at him, a gentle twitch of his lips and then leans up to steal a
kiss and then another, clumsy and quick and happy. Grinning, he nips at
Jensen's bottom lip, tugs at it with his teeth until Jensen's squirming and
laughing softly with nervous anticipation.
Jared trails kisses up along Jensen's cheekbone and hairline and murmurs,
"Don't worry, I'll show you," before turning his head and stretching one arm
out to the side, fumbling with the drawer of his nightstand.
Jensen pulls back to watch for a second and then leans over to help. He has a
better angle and, even if he doesn't know exactly where to look, he figures
what they need shouldn't be too difficult to find.
"There's a little-- yeah," Jared says when Jensen pulls out the small cylinder
of lubricant. "And a couple... probably near the back. I kinda. I was trying to
hide them just in case my mom..."
Jensen shoves aside loose papers and coins and a tattered baseball before he
finally finds it: a single strip of foil packets that unfolds like an
accordion.
"Here, we only..." Jared's words trail off again as he tries to sit up. Jensen
shifts back and off, giving Jared room to get situated and ends up crouched by
Jared's knees, feeling suddenly a whole lot more naked. He watches Jared tear
off one of the packets and set the rest aside, fingers sure as he opens the
packet and glances back up at Jensen.
"Do you want me... I can do it if you want."
It takes a second for Jensen to get what he means, brow furrowing as he looks
between Jared and the opened foil packet, and then scowls.
He flushes and snaps, "I know how to do that much," as he snatches the packet
from Jared's hands. His voice is sharper than he means it to be, anticipation
and fear coiling tight in his gut as Jared scoots closer, apologizing quietly
under his breath.
Keeping his head ducked, Jensen slips the condom free, finds it flimsy and
faintly slick in his hand. He knows Jared is watching every movement, can feel
the heat from Jared's gaze as he pinches the tip with finger and thumb and
slides it on. Just like they've seen it done in Sex Ed. a million times,
careful and clinical
"Yeah, that's..." Jared says and Jensen darts a quick glance at him, weirdly
irritated. He doesn't need to be commended for knowing how to put on a stupid
condom.
But that doesn't seem to be Jared's intention. His Adam's apple bobs when he
swallows and he pulls in a rough, strained breath as he slowly eases down onto
his back. "Fuck, that's... yeah. Okay. Okay, uhm. We need the..." he cranes his
neck back and to the side, finds the tube Jensen had pulled out of the drawer
and thumbs it open.
Feeling more than a little stupid just kneeling there with his condom-covered
dick sticking out, Jensen finally moves, crawling up along the length of
Jared's body as Jared squeezes some of the lube into his palm.
"Here," Jared says then and twists, reaches down before Jensen even knows
what's really happening to wrap his hand around Jensen's cock.
Sucking in a quick breath, Jensen's hips jerk and he drops one hand to Jared's
arm for support.
"Sorry," Jared murmurs, slicking him up gently as Jensen holds tighter, nails
digging into the soft skin of Jared's arm. He can only stand it for a couple
seconds and then he's batting Jared's hand away and reaching down to squeeze
himself tight, eyes clenched as he struggles to get himself under control. Not
yet not yet not yet.
When the immediate need finally passes, he opens his eyes again to see Jared
staring at him, lips twisted into a goofy, awed kind of smile.
"This is weird," Jensen says and Jared lets out a quick, surprised laugh,
shakes his head.
"No, it's-- okay, it's a little weird. It'll get better. Here, uhm..." Jared
twists back again and then rolls onto his stomach, a mess of ungraceful, long
limbs before he knocks his elbow against Jensen's knee. "I think it'll be
easier like this. If you... from behind."
As if to make his point more clear, Jared draws his knees up, ass high in the
air and head turned to watch Jensen.
And Jensen just stares at him for a moment, takes in the sight of Jared bent
and spread and waiting. His face is still flushed, but Jensen doesn't know if
that's from embarrassment or excitement or exertion. Maybe all three. He looks
almost golden in the light, the sheen of sweat making him practically glow.
"Right, uhm," Jensen finally manages as he snaps himself out of his daze and
shifts to kneel between Jared's legs. "Okay."
It's already completely unlike anything they've ever done before. Jared's
spread for him, vulnerable and trusting and Jensen drops his hands to the back
of Jared's thighs, squeezes gently, hesitant to go further.
He gets a rumble in reply, low and soft as Jared's hips hitch back slightly.
"Yeah, c'mon," Jared murmurs, upper body twisted to watch. "Just, uh... go slow
when you put it in, okay?"
Jensen swallows thickly, gaze stuck on the pucker of Jared's asshole, pink and
impossibly small. Pulling in a slow breath, Jensen lifts his hand and lightly
ghosts one finger along it, stares in wonder as the tiny hole seems to pinch
even tighter.
"Jared," he breathes, barely a whisper. "This isn't... I don't think I can
fit."
"You'll fit, I promise," Jared assures him, words rushed on something between a
groan and a laugh. "Just-- come on, just do it."
Jensen frowns, still dubious, and reluctantly scoots closer. Resting one hand
on Jared's ass, he curls the other around himself and leans forward, guiding
himself to Jared's hole. The resistance is immediate, blunt tip pressing and
slipping along Jared's crack when there's no give, clumsy and slick.
Frustrated, Jensen forces himself to focus, scoots closer and tries again, grip
tight on Jared's hip when he finally manages to push in -- so tight, oh God, so
tight -- and stops sharply when Jared cries out in what can only be pain.
"Shit! Sorry!" Jensen says immediately, hand gentle on Jared's flank as he
pulls back. "I told you it wouldn't. I'm sorry. This is stupid, we should just-
-"
"No," Jared growls, reaching down to grab Jensen's hand. "No stopping. I
just... maybe if you-- okay, hang on."
Jensen narrowly escapes getting kneed in the head as Jared flips over. He sits
dumbly as Jared grabs the lube again, squeezes more into his hand, but instead
of reaching for Jensen's dick this time, he slicks up his own fingers, focused
and clearly practiced in the task. When he draws his legs up and drops his
glistening fingers down between them, Jensen can't help the sound he makes.
"Oh."
"I can take this much," Jared tells him, voice straining a little from the
position and Jensen stares, wide-eyed, as Jared slips his middle finger slowly
into himself, one knuckle disappearing and then two. It's easily the dirtiest
and hottest thing Jensen's ever seen, the nerves under his skin buzzing with
want.
Jared's finger slides out easily before Jared's pushing it back in again,
deeper this time as he starts a slow rhythm.
"Oh God," Jensen groans then, still staring as Jared fingers himself.
"That's... it doesn't hurt?"
"A little," Jared grunts, smiling through a grimace as his hips arch up off the
bed for more. "It's... it feels weird at first. Not bad. And if I get--" his
breath hitches as he slides in another finger, "deep enough-- it's... God, it's
really good, Jen. Really fucking good, I swear."
Jared's holding one leg up with his free hand and he drops his head back, moans
loud and long as he works his fingers in deeper. There's a soft squelching
sound only drowned out by Jared's groans and Jensen scoots closer, slides a
hand to Jared's thigh and lifts slightly. He has a better view here, can see
clearly the way Jared's ass swallows his fingers, skin reddened and stretched
thin around them.
"Jared," he groans, one hand sliding down, feeling where Jared's fingers press
in, slick and hot to the touch. "Are you..."
"Yeah," Jared answers, gasps as he eases his fingers out with another wet sound
and grabs Jensen's, guiding them forward. "Try it. Put one in me."
Jensen's eyes snap open and he glances up at Jared's face. But Jared's not
looking at him, still has his head tipped back, mouth open on quiet gasps and
shallow breaths. "Please," he whimpers, pressing the tip of Jensen's fingers
against his hole. "Get me ready for you. Please, Jensen."
Jared begging isn't anything new, but he's never sounded like this. The
desperation is palpable, clawing at Jensen's insides, wearing him thin. But
he's still hesitant, letting Jared do all the work, clumsy hand trying to press
Jensen's finger into him. It doesn't work, Jared too strung out to focus and
the angle all wrong.
So Jensen swallows and sucks in a breath and rests a hand on Jared's thigh as
he adjusts and slowly... so, so slowly... presses his finger inside. Jared's
wet with lube and Jensen watches his whole finger sink in, swallowed up in
Jared's ass like it's the easiest thing in the world.
"Oh God," Jared moans, fingers skidding up to Jensen's wrist and holding tight,
legs spread and shaking. "Oh God, yeah. Yeah."
Jared's burning up on the inside and Jensen can feel him clench tight, inner
walls gripping Jensen's finger before he nudges it a tiny bit deeper, pushing a
stilted gasp out of Jared. He does it again, watches the way Jared's mouth
falls open on a silent moan before pulling his finger back and sliding it in
again slower, gradual.
"More," Jared moans, one foot dropping to the mattress as he tries to lift up
higher. "God, more. I can take it, I swear I can take it."
"Okay," Jensen breathes, more to calm himself than Jared and gently eases his
finger free, lining up another alongside it. "Okay, uhm. Just... tell me if
it's too much."
Jared only answers with a whine, the sound aching, like he just can't help
himself, and Jensen bites his lip and presses forward, slowly sinking into him
again. It's more difficult this way, so much tighter, and Jensen has to pause
after only an inch or two, his free hand smoothing along Jared's thigh. He
wiggles his fingers slightly and gently slides in deeper until his thumb is
nudging right up under Jared's balls.
By the time he gets there, Jared's moaning uncontrollably, hips undulating with
every slow press, his dick hard and curved up toward his belly, leaking freely
from the tip.
"God, Jensen," Jared grunts, his free hand reaching blindly, grabbing at
Jensen's shoulder. "Okay. Okay, I'm ready. I'm ready. Please."
Jensen doesn't stop, though. Not right away. He twists his wrist just a little,
shifting the angle until Jared's practically screaming at him, back bowed like
he's half a second away from breaking apart. Only then does Jensen relent, one
hand sliding up to settle low on Jared's belly as he eases his fingers back and
out, sticky and wet.
"Hand me the--" he starts, but Jared only blinks at him and Jensen shakes his
head, leans up to grab the lube by Jared's shoulder and squirts some into his
palm just like Jared had done before. He has no idea if there's such a thing as
using too much, but he figures there's definitely such a thing as not enough
and decides it's better to be safe than sorry, coating himself generously as
Jared groans and whines beneath him.
"That's good," Jared says finally, words a rushed whisper. "That's good, that's
fine, just-- come on. C'mon, fuck me."
Jensen doesn't know whether to laugh or tell Jared to calm down, but he's too
anxious and desperate to manage either, just drops his hand to Jared's thigh
and positions himself again. It still takes work, the slickness of the lube
making Jensen's dick slide away more than once before he finally gets just the
right angle and then-- oh, then he's sliding inside, slow slow slow, sliding in
past the tight ring of muscle, Jared shocked silent and utterly tense beneath
him.
"Oh-- oh my God," Jensen groans, stilling only an inch or two in, awed and
shaken. The heat is overwhelming, Jared's body gripping so tight that Jensen's
sure he could come at any second. He closes his eyes and breathes in slow,
tries to think about his math homework and his brother's smelly gym socks,
anything but the fact that he's inside Jared. That they're really doing this.
Jared grunts and slams a hand down against the mattress, making Jensen's eyes
snap open, his gaze locking with Jared's.
"Are you--" Jensen starts, whining softly with the struggle to keep still.
"Tell me you're okay. Are you okay?"
Jensen panics in the quick few seconds where Jared doesn't answer, trembling,
one hand still settled under Jared's thigh, the other curved around his hip.
Finally, Jared swallows, grunts out a, "Yeah, 'm fine," and then bears down,
forcing Jensen in that tiny bit further. Jensen nearly collapses under the
sudden sensation, his hips moving forward of their own volition, pressing and
pushing in, the fit seemingly impossible.
"Jared," he manages, barely a whisper as his body curls inward, curls over and
stays there as he tries to catch his breath.
"In me," Jared replies, still strained as his hips arch once more, his entire
body clenched tight around Jensen's dick. "Jesus, you're in me."
Jensen can only whimper, heart hammering beneath his chest and head swimming.
He can't think. He's balls deep in Jared's ass, connected at the core with
Jared panting beneath him, red-faced and burning hot. There's no coming back
from this, he knows. Nothing else in the world could ever possibly feel this
good.
"Jensen," Jared grunts, the sound melting into a whine as he grapples at
Jensen's arms and rolls his hips. "God, c'mon. Move."
It's half-plea and half-order and Jensen only manages a nod, arms shaking as he
ducks his head and slides his hips back. Misjudging, his cock slips free and
Jared grunts softly with the release. Jensen curses under his breath,
embarrassed as he grabs hold of himself, re-aligns and pushes back in. It's
even easier now, Jared's body apparently accustomed to him and he's deep inside
again within seconds.
"Yeah, 'cmon," Jared says, one hand sliding up to Jensen's shoulder. "Don't
stop. Do it again."
And Jensen does. When he pulls back this time, he's more careful, managing to
stay in before rocking forward once more, smooth and easy, starting a slow and
deep rhythm that has Jared gripping tighter, moaning louder. He fights the urge
to speed up, just slides in and out, trembling with the effort to keep upright
as Jared hooks a leg over his shoulder and takes himself in hand.
"God, yeah," Jared groans, stroking and tugging at his dick as Jensen rolls his
hips forward, buried clear to the hilt. "I'm gonna-- so close, Jen. So fucking
close."
Jensen makes a sound, a hitched, quiet whimper as his hips jerk forward.
Jared's bearing down, holding Jensen deep so that all he can do now is grind
forward, the muscles in his thighs and backside straining as the pressure
builds, twisting and coiling at the base of his spine.
"Jared-- Jared, oh God, oh my God, oh--"
It's too soon; he doesn't want it to be over, doesn't ever want it to be over,
doesn't want to be anywhere else but deep inside Jared for the rest of his
life. His grip falters on Jared's skin, slippery with sweat as his hips buck
forward and Jared's hand quickens, knuckles brushing Jensen's belly with every
quick stroke. He tries to hold back, but he can't, he can't, finally
surrendering with a sharp cry, buried deep and folding forward, his dick
pulsing and jerking, filling the condom as he comes.
When he opens his eyes, dazed and still twitching, Jared's staring at him.
"Jensen," he breathes, a whisper and then arches.
Jensen gasps as Jared clenches impossibly tighter around him and Jensen's dick
gives one last feeble spurt as Jared comes, shooting hot and messy all over his
stomach and chest, smears of milky white against golden skin. There's so much
of it, even more than before. Or maybe it's that Jensen can see it all now, the
way it streaks Jared's chest, mixing with his sweat and pooling down near his
belly button.
"Oh God," he groans, still struggling to hold himself up as Jared blinks at
him, eyes glazed and unseeing. Jensen knows that look, has seen it countless
times now, but this time it hits even harder. He did that, he put that there.
Holy shit.
They don't say anything for a long moment, the room filled with nothing more
than their heavy breathing before Jared groans quietly and shifts. The movement
makes Jensen's breath catch and his whole body tense up, his dick over-
sensitive and still held tight in Jared's body.
"I think--" Jared starts, grimacing slightly as he shifts again. "Jen, can
you...?"
Getting the hint, Jensen bites back a whimper and nods, holds his weight on one
shaking arm as he reaches down and slowly pulls out. Now that the haze of lust
is gone, it's definitely a little gross, but Jensen doesn't have many brain
cells left to really consider that. He's worn out, muscles totally drained, and
he drops onto his side and rolls to his back, arms spread, condom still
clinging to his half-hard dick, sticky and uncomfortable. He doesn't even have
the energy to pull it off.
"That was..." Jared says, only a whisper though it seems louder in the quiet of
the room.
Jensen swallows. Says, "Weird. Amazing."
"Intense."
"Yeah," Jensen agrees, a soft laugh bubbling past his lips as he turns his head
to look over at Jared. "I, uh..."
Jared's grinning at him, face still flushed and hair matted to the sides of his
face. He looks completely used and utterly relaxed. His smile is blinding. "You
wanna do it again?"
Jensen's answering laugh is loud enough to surprise even him and he brings a
hand to his face, sticky and smelly as he tries to hide a blush. But he's
nodding, too. Can't help it.
"Yes," he laughs against his palm. "Yeah."
The guilt will come later, heavy and smothering. But right now, he still feels
amazing. Right now he feels whole.
:::
"I'm thinking Bond marathon," Jared says as they step outside. The breeze whips
his hair across his forehead and he flashes a grin at Jensen as they jog down
the steps. "Maybe all the Sean Connery ones? Or, like. We could pick one of
every actor and do it that way. How many are there? Sean Connery, Pierce
Brosnan, Daniel Craig..."
"Timothy Dalton."
"Who?"
"He did License to Kill."
"Oh," Jared says, still grinning a little. "I can't remember if I've seen that
one."
"We can skip it. Maybe just do Connery? He's the best anyway."
"You're just saying that because that's what everyone else says."
"Whatever, my point still stands," Jensen says, trying hiding a small smile.
"So that's a no to Connery?"
"Not saying that," Jared says, grinning. "But Daniel Craig's hotter."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize we were basing this on purely shallow
reasoning."
"Seriously? It's like you don't even know me."
Jensen laughs as they turn the corner and the conversation dies, settling into
a comfortable silence. They both lean back against the brick wall, backpacks at
their feet as they stare across the field and listen to the sounds of students
running out to their cars, laughing and shouting into the arms of freedom.
Jared won't ever admit it, but this is still his favorite part of the day, the
one time he's guaranteed to have Jensen all to himself, even if it's only for a
few stolen minutes.
"I think I failed Gibson's history quiz," Jensen says after awhile. He doesn't
sound all that upset about it.
Jared glances over, frowning slightly. "Shit. You want me to help you out
some?"
"N'ah," Jensen says, shrugging. "I have enough extra credit in that class that
I could probably fail the final and still end up with a B+. It's ridiculous."
"Yeah, but. Can't hurt, right?"
Jensen arches an eyebrow and Jared can see a grin tugging at his lips. "Bet you
could come up with some pretty fun incentives."
"Maybe a couple," Jared admits, voice dropping slightly as he moves a tiny bit
closer.
They never do anything at school, that's a rule. An unspoken one, but strictly
enforced if only because neither of them wants to deal with the repercussions
of getting outed. And it's really not that difficult anyway. They're best
friends, always have been. No one thinks twice about them eating lunch together
or talking in the halls or hanging out on the weekends. So what if they don't
hold hands or make out by their lockers or whatever like other couples? It's no
big deal.
Sandy's the only one who knows the truth and only because Jared told her a few
months after they broke up. For some reason, she'd been a lot more
understanding than Jared had expected, though he thinks maybe she'd just been
relieved that it honestly hadn't been anything about her. Aside, of course,
from her not having a dick and not being Jensen. (Jared had resisted suggesting
the cruel -- and untrue -- idea that she'd turned him gay.) Since then, she's
been their greatest ally, frequently covering for them in subtle ways. Like
always suggesting they go to school dances as a group instead of coupling off
and letting them know when maybe they're watching each other a little too
closely, acting like a little more than just friends.
It's helpful.
But out here, out in their normal spot around the corner from where the Ackles
car sits waiting, Jared always feels like they're in some kind of bubble. They
don't really have any privacy, but it feels that way. It feels safe. Like they
can be themselves for just a little while.
"So maybe a new plan," Jared says, his arm nudging Jensen's, their fingertips
touching. It's the closest they really ever get to holding hands. "Simultaneous
study session and Bond marathon."
Jensen smirks at him, a lazy twist of his lips that never fails to make Jared
get a little hard. "How's that gonna work?"
"I dunno," Jared admits, his smile mirroring Jensen's as he leans in, voice
hushed. "We'll figure it out. Gotta work in time for blowjobs, too."
He doesn't miss the way Jensen's gaze drops downward to settle on Jared's
mouth, the look sending a familiar thrill all the way to Jared's toes. "You
mean those won't be the top priority?"
"Well, the effects of the Cold War are extremely important," Jared says,
curving closer and struggling to keep his voice serious as Jensen brushes his
knuckles along the front of Jared's coat. "You wouldn't want your grades to
suffer just for the sake of getting your dick sucked, would you, Jen?"
Jensen laughs, quiet and genuine and cocks his head to one side, watching Jared
through his lashes. "Maybe we can do both at once?"
"I'm not sure how well I can tutor on my knees."
"Oh, I bet you could manage," Jensen says, voice low, laced with intent.
"Jensen Ross Ackles."
Jared's blood goes suddenly ice cold and his stomach plummets to his feet as he
springs back, whirls around to see Jensen's mom -- holy shit, Jensen's mom -
- standing ten feet away, looming with dark, angry eyes. She's wearing a long,
dark coat and clutching an umbrella even though it's not raining and, though
she's nowhere near as large as Jeffrey, Jared hasn't felt so scared in his
life.
"Mrs. Ackles," he breathes, voice barely a whisper.
Her eyes are like fire, burning into Jared's before she turns her attention to
Jensen. "Jensen. I have been waiting for twenty minutes."
"Mom. I didn't-- where's Jeffrey?"
"That is none of your concern, young man. Would you like to tell me why you've
been wasting my time?"
"I'm not-- we weren't--"
"I'm helping him with his history homework," Jared says, face red hot as he
pulls out the lie. "We were just. Trying to figure out the best time to get
together so we can--"
"You want to tutor my son?" She says with such clear derision that Jared can
only gape in response, heat creeping up his neck.
"He's helping, Mom. Leave him alone." Jensen says, pushing away from the wall,
backpack in hand.
"Oh, I think I saw pretty clearly exactly what he's doing and helping is
definitely not it," Mrs. Ackles snaps. "Come, Jensen. Stop wasting my time and
get in the car. I still need to pick up your sister."
The Ackles' hatred for Jared and his family has never been a secret, but
Jared's also never really come face-to-face with it before. Not like this. It's
always been in the back of his mind, just a thing he and Jensen had to work
around, no bigger than keeping their relationship a secret at school or coming
up with reasons for Jensen to get away on the weekends.
But now, with the way Mrs. Ackles looks at him, like he's the most repulsive
creature she's ever laid eyes on... it's like nothing Jared's ever encountered.
He's used to being liked, makes it a point to be liked, even. He's not even
sure what to do with this blatant show of absolute loathing.
Jensen's between them, hand gripped tight around the strap of his backpack as
he looks at Jared, wide-eyed and pale, clearly torn between wanting to run back
to Jared and run and hide in the car.
Jared honestly doesn't know which he'd prefer either.
"Jensen!"
The tone is harsh enough to make Jared cringe and he sees Jensen do the same,
head ducking before he shoots Jared one last quick, apologetic glance and
hurries off, disappearing around the corner. Leaving Jared alone and face-to-
face with Mrs. Ackles.
She says nothing for a long moment, just watches him, gaze sharp and assessing,
thin lips curled in disgust.
"I don't know what you want with my son," she finally sneers, "but if I ever
see you with him again, I can guarantee, I will make you regret it."
Jared's right hand curls into a slow fist at his side and his heartbeat kicks
up a notch as some of his initial shock melts into pure anger. He manages to
keep it check, not saying a word even as he feels his lips twist and his breath
quicken.
Seemingly satisfied, she gives him one last look-over and then smiles, bright
and easy. Just like that. Says, "Wonderful, I'm glad we're clear. Give your
father my regards."
Without another word, she turns and walks away, disappearing beyond the corner.
Leaves Jared seething and empty, shaking with rage and gut-twisting worry. This
isn't the end and he knows it. Something tells him this is really only the
beginning.
:::
Jensen spends the entire ride home with his stomach in knots. He can still see
the shocked look on Jared's face and he seethes silently in the backseat,
though a good portion of his anger is directed at himself. He should've known
better, should've known that it was only a matter of time before they got
caught. He should've been more careful.
"What's wrong?" Mackenzie asks when she climbs in the car, but Jensen only
shakes his head and turns away, glares out at the neatly trimmed trees and
pristine, perfect lawns that crawl by. "Oh-kayyy," she says, voice dripping
with sarcasm before she leans forward. "Mom, what's wrong with Jensen?"
Jensen doesn't have to look to know his mother's watching him through the rear
view mirror. He pointedly keeps his head lowered, eyes focused straight out the
window as his blood boils.
"Don't worry about your brother, dear," she finally answers, her tone one of a
razor-sharp sweetness. "How was school?"
Jensen wants to punch her in the face.
He goes straight to his room when they get home, slamming the door shut behind
him and diving into his bed where he proceeds to have a temper tantrum. Or
something close to it anyway. He pounds his fists into the mattress and knocks
a few pictures off the walls with a violently thrown pillow, kicks at the
footboard and does everything short of actually scream and yell. By the end of
it, he's winded and sweating, chest heaving with every labored breath.
It's been ten years since Jared's dad stopped Ackles Industries from setting up
new oil rigs in West Texas. A decade and his stupid parents are still hung up
on it, making him suffer for it.
Jensen still isn't clear on all the details, but he's not an idiot. He knows
enough. It was all because of some endangered beetle found only in that area of
Texas, a tiny little bug that prevented Jensen's Dad from tearing up the soil
and raking in another couple million. That's it. The entire Ackles-Padalecki
war is because of oil and money and a stupid fucking beetle.
But whatever. Jensen doesn't care. Jared's his best friend; his parents can't
take that away. So what if they have to be even more careful from now on? They
can handle it. Jensen's become an expert at lying and it's not like they can
embed a GPS tracking chip into his skin or anything. Maybe he and Jared will
have to figure out a better place to wait after school or Jensen can say he's
joined the German club or something and they can meet up behind the stadium.
Whatever, they'll figure it out.
He's pointedly ignoring the other thing. The three-lettered thing. He doesn't
know what all his mother had seen, but for now, he's convincing himself that
she's only upset about seeing Jared and not... not anything else.
A sharp knock at his door jolts him out of his thoughts and he quickly swipes a
hand over his face as he sits up. Grunts, "What?"
It's not an invitation, but his parents clearly aren't asking for one, the door
clicking open immediately to let them in. Jensen doesn't bother hiding a glare
as he mutters, "Yeah, sure, come in."
His mother shoots him a look, unamused.
They close the door and then stand there, studying him like he's a problem to
be fixed rather than their kid. Jensen pulls in a breath and prepares himself
for whatever punishment they're about to unleash. A punishment for having a
friend.
Not that Jared's just a friend. But they sure as hell don't need to know that.
His father takes a step forward and crosses his arms over his chest. Says,
"Son, we need to talk."
Jensen barely refrains from rolling his eyes. In his experience, we need to
talk really means we're going to talk and you're going to shut up and listen.
Might as well get it over with.
"I'm listening," he says only when it becomes clear they're looking for some
kind of reaction.
"You're mother tells me you've been spending your time in some... unsavory
company."
"His name's Jared," Jensen says, unable to keep out the harsh edge to his tone.
"Might as well cut the bullshit."
"Language."
Jensen cuts a glance at his mother, but keeps his mouth shut. Waits.
"Yes, Jared," his father continues. "Jared Padalecki. Son of the man who tried
to ruin us."
"He was just doing his job, Dad. And it was ten freaking years ago. Why can't
you let it go already?"
"He cost my business millions of dollars, Jensen! He cost us millions of
dollars!"
"Is that all you care about?" Jensen snaps, fighting the urge to jump to his
feet. "This whole thing is about money. That's it! You don't give a shit that
his dad works for the government, that if it hadn't been him, it would've been
someone else. All you care about is having someone to blame instead of just
finding some place else to suck dry. What is wrong with you people?"
"Jensen Ackles, you listen to me." His father's voice is practically a growl,
eyes dark and dangerous as he steps in close. "You do not talk to me or your
mother in that tone, do you hear me?"
"Yeah, I hear you loud and fuckin' clear," Jensen says.
"Jensen!"
"He's my best friend," Jensen says, suddenly empowered in his anger. Pushing to
his feet, he ignores the way he's nearly shaking with rage, the urge to shove
and hit his father almost overwhelming. "Do you even care about that? He's been
my best friend for ten years."
"And you know damn well we have never condoned such an unhealthy--"
"You don't even know him! All you know is his name. That's all you've ever
cared about!"
"Jensen, calm down," his mother says, stern, but wary.
Jensen turns on her quick, hands clenched into fists at his sides. "No! This is
such bullshit. You're punishing me for having a friend!"
"We're doing no such thing," says his father. "We're looking out for you, son.
We simply don't want to see you led astray."
Jensen laughs. Can't help it. Loud and sharp and slightly hysterical. "Led
astray. Led astray? Seriously? You make him sound like a criminal! Or a cult
leader!"
"He can't be trusted."
"How the fuck would you even know? YOU DON'T KNOW HIM!"
"Jensen, if you can't control your language, I'm afraid we're going to have to
end this discussion."
"This is not a discussion," Jensen snaps, once again reeling on his mother,
anger churning hot and terrifying in his gut. "This is you telling me what I
should think and what I should feel. Well fuck that. I'm sixteen, Mom. I can
make decisions for myself."
"Your father and I have been discussing the possibility of--"
"I don't care what you've been discussing! You can discuss all you want, but
Jared--
"--you heading out east to finish your education. We feel the environment will
be--"
"-- Jared is my friend. You're not changing that. Not-- wait, what?"
His mother watches him, quietly gauging before she continues. "We feel it will
be a more suitable environment for you to pursue your studies. A focused
curriculum, dedicated staff of teachers. Fewer... distractions."
Jensen blinks, all the fight suddenly knocked out of him as he looks from his
mother to his father and back again. He's not sure shock is the right word for
it. Pole-axed, maybe. In complete and utter disbelief.
"You're... you're sending me away?"
His parents exchange looks and his mother finally has decency to look mildly
guilty as she frowns and takes a careful step toward Jensen. "We were going to
discuss it with you before," she says, though Jensen can barely focus on what
she's saying. "There's a wonderful boarding school in Connecticut that--"
"Boarding school?"
"That caters to young men in the pursuit of an elite secondary education," she
continues, voice sharper. "Jensen, this is a wonderful opportunity. We've
already talked to the Dean--"
"I'm not going," Jensen says, nerves buzzing and blood rushing hot through his
ears. "You can't do this. I'm not-- you can't just get rid of me because you
don't like who I hang out with. You can't do this!"
"Like your mother said, we were going to discuss it with you first," his father
says, quieter, but no less stern. And right then, Jensen knows he's fighting a
losing battle. Whatever he says doesn't matter; the decision's been made.
But hell if he's going to give up quite that easily.
"Were," Jensen spits out, literally shaking with the effort to hold in his
mounting emotions, the mix of anger, betrayal, fear and hurt threatening to
overwhelm him completely. "You were going to discuss it with me, but... what,
not anymore? Just because you saw me getting a little friendly with the local
Anti-Christ, is that it?"
"There's no need for dramatics, Jensen," his mother argues and Jensen again
lets out a sharp laugh.
"Oh, this is nothing," he promises darkly. He feels unhinged, wild with the
injustice of it all, the idea that his parents want to send him away, that
might never see Jared again. He steps in closer and lowers his voice,
challenging. "Here, I'll let you in on a little something. Jared isn't just my
best friend," he says as he looks between them. "He's been my boyfriend for two
years."
The shock that colors his mother's face is its own reward, though Jensen can't
help wondering if it's entirely genuine. As horrifying a thought as it is, he
thinks maybe she knew. Maybe she's always known and just didn't want to believe
it.
Somehow, that only makes him more upset.
"I love him," he says, darting a quick glare to his father, daring him to
react. "You can send me wherever the hell you want, ship me off to fucking
China for all I care, but I won't stop loving him. Do you hear me? It's sick
and sinful and everything you despise and I don't fucking care! You can throw
me out, disown me, lock me in a car and drown me in the lake, but it's not
gonna fucking change anything. Whatever you do your little boy's still gonna be
a dirty fag. You think they'll still take me at your fancy boarding school if
they know how much I like sucking dick?"
"JENSEN!"
The boom of his father's voice knocks him silent and then he's only left with
the hollow echo ringing in his ears. The enormity of his words shakes him,
obscene and terrifying, rattles him hard enough to nearly send him reeling, but
he manages to stay upright, fists clenched and chest heaving.
He doesn't move.
It's out there now. And all he can do now is await the consequences. Maybe his
parents won't even bother having him sent to the other side of the country now.
Maybe they'll just throw him out the door right here and be done with it. Save
themselves the time and the money and the hassle of having a gay son.
He thinks it probably says something that he'd rather they did that. Jared's
parents would take him in. Maybe Sandy's. He'd be okay.
But his father, red-faced and still clearly seething, only clears his throat.
Says, "I'll make a few calls tomorrow. I think the sooner you get there, the
better."
"No," Jensen says, cringing at how it comes out weak and unsure. Like he's
actually surprised at his parents' cruelty. "You can't. You can't."
"I'm sorry, Jensen," his father says, sounding anything but. "You're my son and
I'll always love you, but I simply can't stand by and watch you do this. I
won't. You're not-- you're not gay, Jensen. No son of mine possibly could be.
It's that... that boy. He's gotten his claws in you, he's manipulated you-- "
"No, he hasn't! He didn't!"
"Jensen, you're sixteen years old! And I understand you think he's your friend,
that's exactly what he wants, but he's not. I can promise you he's not. My God,
Jensen, he has you brainwashed! That's the only explanation I can come up with
for you using such disgusting, vulgar language! In front of your mother no
less."
His dad's voice is nearly pleading now and Jensen thinks he should maybe take
some comfort in it. Maybe his father really does care.
"Look into your heart, Son," he continues, almost imploring. "Talk to God. You
know it's wrong, you know He doesn't approve!"
Jensen wants to argue, wants to scream at his father and his God for being
wrong, but the words won't come. There's a part of him, even now, that thinks
his dad must be right. That loving Jared the way he does isn't natural no
matter how true and strong and good it feels.
The emotions war and tear inside him: guilt and anger and shame, twisting
violently, making his chest ache and his throat tight.
His mother steps in close then, reaches a hand up to touch his cheek and Jensen
blanches, swatting her away before his dad grabs and yanks at his shoulder.
"You listen to me," he says, tone suddenly not gentle in the slightest. "I
won't stand for this. You are going whether you like it or not. I'm calling the
school up tomorrow and I'm sure Stephen will have everything sorted by the end
of the week. In the meantime, I am not to see or hear of you fraternizing with
that boy, do I make myself clear?"
Jensen stares, tries to ignore the way his body trembles and his eyes sting as
he manages a stilted nod.
"Yes," he says, stumbling back a little when his father releases him. "Yes,
Sir."
"Good," his father says, hand still heavy on Jensen's shoulder, squeezing. The
touch makes Jensen's heart clench and he ducks his head, eyes clenched tight as
the shame twists tighter and tighter inside him.
Distantly, he's aware of them stepping away. Hears his mother tell him she'll
send up his dinner, though he can't fathom ever having the appetite to eat.
She shuts the door behind her with a quiet click and Jensen crumples.
:::
When Jensen doesn't show up at school the next day, Jared knows something's
wrong. When he doesn't show up at school for the rest of the week, Jared knows
something is very very wrong.
He's called Jensen's house exactly three times in his entire life and each time
he pretended to be someone else. Twice it was for legitimate homework reasons
and once just to make Jensen laugh.
This time, he doesn't have the presence of mind to fake it.
"I'm afraid he can't come to the phone right now," says the voice he's pretty
sure belongs to Jensen's mom. A second later he's absolutely positive when she
adds, "Who is this?"
"It's-- I'm a friend. From school."
"Right, yes," she says in that tone Jared's coming to recognize as being
reserved solely for him. All derision and thinly veiled contempt. "Jared
Padalecki."
There's no point to hiding so Jared lets out a quiet breath, stomach still
twisted tight. "Yes. Look, can you just-- I just want to know if he's okay."
"He's fine," she says quickly, nearly cutting him off. "Better now that he'll
be in good hands."
"Good..." Jared says, his mind tripping over what the hell that's supposed to
mean. He pictures Jensen getting treated or something equally ridiculous,
getting shipped off to some institution where they try to cure his gay disease.
"What do you mean?" he finally manages to get out, not bothering to hide the
tremor in his voice. "What are you doing to him?"
"We're not doing anything to him," she replies, sounding insulted. "And I don't
appreciate the implication that we are in any way harming him. This was his
decision."
"What was his decision?"
She doesn't answer right away and Jared grips the phone tighter in mounting
dread.
"To further his education elsewhere," she says. Jared doesn't miss the slight
shift of her voice, the way it wavers slightly. He doesn't know what it means
exactly, but it manages to calm him somewhat, makes him believe she may be
telling the truth. "Some place dedicated to his future, where he can more
thoroughly focus on his studies."
Jared swallows. He doesn't need the translation.
"He's... he's choosing this?" he asks, barely managing to get the words out at
all.
"We had a discussion," Mrs. Ackles says, her voice quieter still. "And we all
agreed it's for the best. He leaves Monday."
"Monday," Jared echoes, disbelieving. Jensen's leaving Monday and Jared doesn't
even know where he's going or if he'll ever see him again. Doesn't know why
Jensen would choose it, can't imagine he ever would and he says as much before
he can stop himself. "Jensen didn't choose this. I don't know what you said to
him, but he didn't-- he wouldn't--"
"Young man, I would appreciate it if you didn't speak to me as though I don't
know my own son," Mrs. Ackles cuts in, voice ice cold once again. "I assure you
he has made his decision and he will be leaving. If you care for him at all,
you will not harass him any further."
Jared's sure of it then, knows without a doubt that Jensen's not choosing this.
A part of him is selfishly relieved, but it's swiftly overcome by a fresh swell
of anger, all of it aimed directly at the two people taking Jensen away from
him.
He takes in a breath and releases it slowly, doing his best to calm himself
before he says, "Can you at least tell me where he's going?"
"I'm afraid not," Mrs. Ackles replies immediately. "His whereabouts are no
longer any of your concern. And I would greatly appreciate you leaving us
alone. Good day, Mr. Padalecki."
A click and the line falls silent, leaving Jared with his mouth open and words
dead in his throat. His chest feels tight and there's a heavy weight in his
gut. It's a hurt unlike any Jared's every known, acute and all-encompassing,
consuming him from the inside.
Jensen's leaving. Jensen's leaving.

                                   eighteen
"This would be way more comfortable if you had a truck," Sandy says, shifting a
little against Jared's side.
Laughing, Jared twists his head away to avoid getting her hair in his mouth. He
winces when her shoulder jabs into his side and only relaxes again when she
finally stops fidgeting. The car rocks under their weight, swaying gently with
every movement and Jared holds still, windshield a cold slab at his back.
"I'm lucky I got a car at all," he says once she's finished. "What's that
saying? Beggars can't be choosers?"
"I don't recall you begging."
"You don't live with me. Trust me, there was begging."
"For this?" Sandy says. He can't see her face, but he can imagine the way her
lips twist into a grimace, nose scrunched up. "You could've at least begged for
a BMW or something. Need to learn to aim higher."
"If you're gonna keep insulting my car, I'm kickin' you off," Jared says,
clearly teasing as he slides a hand down to pinch her side.
Letting out a shrill shriek, Sandy swats at his arm, the car again bouncing.
"Okay, okay, okay!" she insists, her laughter muffled as Jared pulls her in
close, waits for her to settle, his head tipped back to stare up at the
darkened sky. Sandy's hand falls to rest on his leg and she pulls in a slow
breath as silence winds around them.
They stay just like that for a long few moments, nothing breaking the quiet but
the chirping crickets and the steady, far-off drone of cars zooming by on the
highway. It's peaceful. Comfortable. It's not the best night for star-gazing,
most of the view obscured by a veil of clouds, but it's warm out and there's a
nice breeze.
Jared knows he won't have too many more nights like this one. He's planning to
make the most of it.
"I'm gonna miss this," Sandy says, her face ducked into Jared's chest as she
lets out a slow breath.
"Mmm," Jared agrees, still staring upward, lips twitching into a half-smile.
"Gonna miss me, you mean."
"No," Sandy replies. He can feel her smile against his shirt. "I'm actually
pretty excited to be rid of you, but this... this is nice."
"I could just leave you here, you know. I don't need this abuse."
"Whatever, you love it."
"It doesn't have to be forever, you know," Jared says, moving his hand to
Sandy's arm and squeezing lightly. "I mean, you're gonna come back on breaks
and stuff, right? Christmas and summer. We'll still see each other."
Sandy's quiet for a moment, then says, "Yeah, maybe. But it still won't be the
same. It won't be this, you know? Just you and me."
"And Chad."
Sandy snorts a laugh, twists a little to look up at him, her face lit only by
the moonlight. "I can't believe he's following you to Austin. He's like a lost
puppy or something."
"He secretly wants in my pants. Tryin' to wear me down little by little..."
Grinning, he shrugs. "Can't say I blame him."
Sandy groans and shifts again, digs her elbow into his side. "Don't even say
that. Having one gay ex-boyfriend is enough. Having two who end up dating each
other? I'd seriously have to consider offing myself."
"That's a little melodramatic, don't you think?" She gives a quiet grump, but
doesn't say anything and Jared grins as adds, "Besides, I'd rather gnaw off my
own testicles than date Chad so I'd say you're pretty safe."
"Wow, that's a mental picture I really could've done without, thanks."
Jared laughs and then snaps his teeth right near Sandy's ear, gives an
exaggerated growling sound before she elbows him in the side.
"Okay, seriously. Gross."
"Actually," Jared says, tone more thoughtful, "if I had the flexibility
required for that, I'd probably get distracted."
"Yeah, okay, that... really doesn't make it any less disgusting. What is it
with boys wishing they could fellate themselves anyway? Isn't the whole point
that someone else does it and they can just... lie back and grunt a lot?"
Chuckling, Jared shrugs. "Guess every guy dreams of being self-sufficient."
"But, it wouldn't be the same. Like, ever. Jerking off doesn't feel the same as
when someone else touches you, right? So the whole mouth thing wouldn't be any
different."
"I can't believe we're having this conversation."
"You know I'm right," Sandy says, sounding far too sure of herself. "Think of
the worst blowjob you've ever had and I bet it's still way better than anything
you could give yourself."
Despite his better judgment, Jared finds himself doing exactly that, his mind
wandering to the first time Jensen had gone down on him. Hesitant and
embarrassed and completely inexperienced. It'd been messy and uncoordinated and
Jensen hadn't figured out the whole teeth thing right away, but it'd still been
incredible. Jared had lasted barely three seconds and he can still remember
Jensen's face, cheeks flushed a deep red and eyes wide, a thin streak of
slippery white clinging to his chin.
The memory is sudden and nearly visceral and he coughs abruptly, lifts a hand
to scratch his jaw.
"Yeah, okay," he concedes, voice a little shaky. "So it wouldn't be the same."
Sandy's quiet for a second and Jared's sure she's basking in her moment of
superiority before she sits back, looks him straight in the eye. "You were
totally just thinking about Jensen, weren't you?"
"Uhm," Jared falters, heat flooding his face. "No, I was..."
"He was seriously the worst blowjob you ever had?"
"We were fifteen!"
"Yeah, but the worst?"
"It wasn't-- I mean, even the worst with him was pretty fucking awesome, so."
"Or," Sandy says, cocking her head to the side, "more likely, all your sexual
thoughts still center around him."
Jared frowns, a slow irritation prickling under his skin.
They never really talk about Jensen, not even when it's just the two of them;
there isn't much to say anymore. But that doesn't mean Jared has ever
forgotten. He still thinks about Jensen all the time, wonders where he is and
if he's okay. If he's happy. If he's found someone new, a girl Jensen's parents
will like.
He won't let himself consider the idea of Jensen finding someone Jensen likes.
It hurts too much. Jared knows it's selfish, but he can't stop it; he still
feels like Jensen is his.
"It's more than just-- we were together for two years, you know," he points
out, unable to hide the defensive tone of his voice. "That's a pretty long
time."
"I know," Sandy says, voice softening as she curls her hand over Jared's arm.
"And I know he was your best friend, but he's been gone for over two years,
Jared."
"What, and I'm supposed to just forget about him?"
"No. No, that's not... I'm not saying you should forget him. It's just. Baby,
you've barely even looked at anyone since the day he left. It's... kind of
weird."
Jared's frown deepens, irritation quickly coiling into mounting anger. He feels
oddly betrayed somehow, like the one person he thought understood him in this
whole mess had really been faking it all along.
But before he can even open his mouth to argue, Sandy's pressing a finger to
his lips, dark eyes locked on his, quietly pleading. "You've graduated, you're
going to college in a week, you'll probably only ever come back here for breaks
and holidays and funerals or whatever. And who knows what'll happen after that.
Where you'll be or what you'll be doing. And he's... I don't know. Probably
headed to Yale or Harvard or something. Wherever his dad went. You really think
he's ever going to come back here?"
"Yes," Jared says without thinking, only slightly muffled against Sandy's
finger. He ducks away, gaze never leaving Sandy's. "Or I'll find him. There
can't be that many Jensen Ackles out there, right?"
Sandy sighs, shoulders slumping as she brushes her thumb along his jaw. "You're
kind of hopeless, aren't you?"
"I love him," Jared says, easy as that. "And I know he loved me too, so... it
has to happen, right? He has to come back."
"Things change, Jared. People change."
Jared shakes his head, reaching up to grab Sandy's hand and pulling it away
from his face. "Can we not talk about this?" he says and Sandy's frown deepens
before she lets out another breath and twists her hand free, settling it over
his chest as she rests her head against him.
They both fall quiet for a long moment, the silence tense and uncomfortable.
There was an animated movie about a mouse separated from his family Jared saw
when he was little. He doesn't remember much about the story, but he recalls a
part where the mouse had stared up at the sky, at the moon and stretch of
stars, and imagined his family was doing the same. That they were seeing the
same thing from the other side of the world.
And it's completely ridiculous, but Jared still finds a weird sort of comfort
in imagining Jensen's doing that right now, wherever he is. That he's just
looking straight up and seeing the same dark sky. Jared wonders if he has a
better view or if the stars is even more obscured, maybe city lights instead of
clouds. If he's alone. If he's thinking about Jared.
"You think Chad has a chance in hell of making it through the first semester?"
Sandy says then, her quiet voice knocking Jared out of his thoughts.
Jared exhales, lips twisting into a near-grin. "I'll be there to keep him in
line."
"Lucky you."
"Hey. Someone's gotta do it."
He can feel Sandy's smile against him, feel when she turns her head to press a
kiss right above his heart. Smiling softly, he runs his fingers through her
hair and stares up at the sky, at the stars blinking through the clouds and
does his best to ignore the dull ache in his chest. The one that never really
goes away.
:::
Jensen lets out a breath as his parents disappear around the corner and then
tips his head back, bright California sun warming his face. The air is
pleasantly crisp and dry, so different from the humidity of the East Coast, and
his shirt sticks to his back, skin sweaty from hauling box after box up to his
dorm room. But it feels good. Like he's one step closer to freedom.
Danneel's already waiting in his room when he gets there, perched on the edge
of what will be his roommate's bed once the guy bothers to show up. She's
flipping through a magazine when he steps in and she glances up and smiles.
"So."
"So," Jensen replies, leaning back against the closed door.
She watches him for a moment and then sets the magazine aside and pushes to her
feet. She's in shorts and a tank-top, hair pulled back and, not for the first
time, Jensen finds himself noticing how incredibly beautiful she is. Even now,
the realization comes as something of a relief.
Stopping in front of him, Danneel rests her hands on his waist and then slides
them up over his chest as she crowds in closer, head tipped back to grin at
him. "So I guess we have some time to kill before all the orientation stuff."
"Mmm," Jensen says, returning the smile as his hands settle on her hips. "Why
do I get the feeling you already have something in mind?"
"Maybe because you know me so well?" she replies, leaning up to brush a kiss
against the corner of his mouth.
"Hmm," Jensen says, turning into it, tasting the sweet cherry of her lip gloss
before she pulls back, still grinning wickedly.
Jensen waits for the stir in his groin, but it doesn't come. It's not too
unsurprising, but still disappointing. Danneel's gorgeous and he's sure he
loves her, must if he's willing to defy his parents and follow her all the way
to LA. They'd wanted him to follow in his father's and brother's footsteps and
go to Princeton, 'not let the premium education we paid so much for go to
waste'.
He hadn't ever outright said, "I'm going because I'm in love with a girl. A
girl. Isn't that all you ever wanted?" but the implication had been clear
enough and, in the end, they'd given in. Maybe not happily, but Jensen doesn't
really care. He's here, one step closer to living his life free from the
looming shadow of his parents. And he has Danneel.
"Come on," she says, grabbing the front of his shirt to tug him away from the
door.
He doesn't fight it, lets her pull him in to the center of the small room where
she slides her hands under his shirt. This part is easy now. Familiar. It
hadn't been at first, but once he'd been able to shove aside the aching memory
of Jared every time Danneel touched him, it'd gotten easier.
And now it's something he welcomes. Danneel runs a hand up his bare back and
presses close and Jensen closes his eyes and remembers Jared's smiling face,
the crinkle of skin near his eyes and the mole high on his cheek. Remembers the
way Jared's hand fit over Jensen's hip, the taste of Jared's skin, sharper and
heavier than Danneel's, always smelling a little bit like grass instead of the
cucumber melon or whatever it is she always wears. He remembers the way they
could just kiss for hours, until their lips went numb and they were both spent
and sticky in their jeans.
It's terrible, a sick kind of betrayal, but Jensen always comes hardest in
those moments of remembering. So he doesn't stop.
He and Danneel kiss right there, right in the middle of the room, surrounded by
unpacked boxes and bare, cement walls. Long, wet, lazy kisses that make Jensen
groan and press forward as his dick slowly thickens in his jeans. And Danneel's
good, knows just how much to give and how much to take, knows that he likes it
when she runs her nails down his back. Sometimes he doesn't have to think of
Jared at all to get off, sometimes it only takes Danneel's teeth at his neck
and small, delicate fingers around him.
Even if he never comes quite as hard, he still relishes those times. They feel
more honest. Safe. It gives him hope that he won't always be this way.
They don't get that far this time. He has his fingers at the back strap of
Danneel's bra and she has one thumb hooked in the waistband of his jeans when
the door flies open.
Jensen jumps away, roughly clearing his throat as his cheeks heat red and the
guy in the doorway only gives him a smirk.
"Shit, don't let me you stop you," he says, motioning at them with the guitar
case he's holding in one hand.
"We weren't--" Jensen stammers, swallowing tightly as he shoves a hand into the
pockets of his jeans, tries fruitlessly to look as innocent as possible. "It's
cool, we weren't doing anything. She was just, uhm... she had something in her-
-"
The guy sets his guitar down and then holds up one hand, interrupting with,
"Okay, chill. I'm your roommate, man, not your mother. Give it a rest."
Still mildly bewildered, Jensen stares at the guy. He's shorter than Jensen
with a goatee and long brown hair that touches his shoulders. His smile is a
little crooked and a lot warm and he shoves a hand out.
"Name's Chris Kane," he says and Jensen nods, recognizes it from the pamphlet
he'd gotten that morning. "You can just call me Kane if you want. Or Chris.
Whatever."
"Jensen," he says as their hands lock together in a firm grip.
"Right, Jensen Ackles," the guy -- Chris -- says, tugging Jensen forward to
clap his free hand on Jensen's shoulder. "Helluva name, boy. Good to meet you."
There's something comforting in the guy's voice, something about the lilt of it
that's closer to home than anything Jensen's felt in a long time. He's smiling
before he even realizes it, shooting a look to Danneel when Chris lets go.
"I'm Danneel," she says, smirking faintly as Chris looks to her. "Jensen's
girlfriend."
"Figured," Chris replies and Jensen doesn't miss the way Chris's gaze lingers
on her a little too long. He's used to it, though; guys always notice Danneel.
It's never really bothered him. Chris snaps out of it a second later, asking,
"So, what, you droppin' the dead weight off here or did you two come together?"
"Together," Danneel says, shooting Jensen a small smile. "Didn't want to
weather the long distance thing."
Chris eyes him and Jensen feels his face flush, scratches a hand along the back
of his neck. It's weird the way the guy looks at him, like he's already seeing
straight through and latching on to the lies Jensen's holding back. Jensen
really isn't sure what to make of it.
"Hmm," Chris says and then flashes another bright smile. "Well, ain't that
sweet?"
Jensen can't tell if he's being sincere or condescending, but finds he doesn't
particularly care either way. They've only just met, but Jensen's pretty sure
he likes the guy. He's not quite like anyone Jensen's ever met before.
Chris nods back over his shoulder then. Says, "Hey, so I've got a few more
boxes to lug up, but when I'm done, I'm thinkin' of catchin' some dinner at
Rendezvous. Wanna come? We can shoot the shit, get to know each other a little.
Or," he adds, glancing to Jensen with a subtle leer, "I can just go by myself
and leave you two kids to finish what you started. Up to you."
Danneel laughs, bright and easy as she threads her arm through Jensen's.
"Dinner sounds good," she says and nudges Jensen with one shoulder.
And Jensen nods, doesn't look away from Chris for a second when he says, "Yeah.
Yeah, that sounds great."

                                  twenty-one
Jared frowns down at the list in his hand and then back up at the fresh
vegetable display currently busy being showered in a faint spray of water.
"Okay, got the cottage cheese and sour cream," Megan says, dropping two
containers in the cart and then huffing a breath. "What's the problem?"
"Cilantro," Jared mutters, still scanning the greenery and the signs above.
Carrots, cucumbers, broccoli, lettuce, asparagus. The stalks of green onion
keep tricking him; he could've sworn they were what he was looking for.
"Seriously?" Megan says and Jared glances over, brow furrowed. "You've gone
twenty-one years without knowing what cilantro looks like?"
"I know what it looks like when I'm eating it," Jared argues and Megan rolls
her eyes, a smile tugging at her lips as she turns and marches a few feet away.
He stares after her for a moment before following, dragging the cart along
behind him.
"Cilantro," Megan says, pointing at a stack of bundled leafy greenery before
grabbing one. "Get me a bag."
"Huh," Jared says, studying the stuff for a second before doing as asked. "It
looks different when it's all mixed up in stuff."
"Yeah. Funny how that works."
"Shut up, I've been living on ramen for the past three years," Jared says,
still not bothering to hide his smile. He won't ever admit it, but hanging out
and joking with his sister is one of his favorite things about coming home.
They'd fought like cats and dogs back before he left for college, but it's
different now. Apparently it's easier to handle younger siblings in small
doses. "You'll get it soon enough. Just wait."
"No, see. I'm already ahead of you," she says, tying the bag closed and tossing
it into the cart. "Because I actually know how to cook. No ramen necessary."
"You say that now," he says, grinning knowingly. "Just you wait until all the
papers start stackin' up and you have a million and one things to do and read
and study. You have time for..."
His voice trails off as he notices a figure beyond Megan's shoulder, a familiar
one with short brown hair and broad shoulders. The guy's fondling the onions,
picking up one and inspecting it before setting it down for another. And, fuck-
- fuck, Jared knows that face. It can't be, but he knows that face.
"Holy shit."
"What?" Megan says and Jared can see her twist around out the corner of his
eye. He can't tear his gaze away though, staring unashamedly as the guy,
seemingly happy with his chosen onion, slips it into a plastic bag and spins it
closed before nudging his cart forward.
Jared's heart leaps and he's moving without a second thought, leaving Megan
behind.
"Jensen."
The guy slows to a stop, his head turned to the side like he's listening,
unsure whether to go any further. And Jared stays absolutely still, waiting and
watching with his heart thudding painfully, breath held tight.
Jared swears it happens in slow motion: Jensen's got his back to him, head
turned just enough for Jared to make out the arch of one eyebrow and curious
lilt of his lips and then he's looking over his shoulder, looking right at
Jared, gaze familiar and strange both at once. At first there's no sign of
recognition in those green eyes and Jared feels his stomach seize, wrench tight
with dread.
He sucks in a shaky breath and stumbles another step forward, a laugh bubbling
free as he manages, "Jensen. Jen, it's me. It's--"
Jensen blinks, expression clearing. "Jared."
His voice is deeper, a low rumble that settles in Jared's bones, sends his
blood rushing as he breaks into a smile. Relief and disbelief and pure,
unadulterated joy surging through his veins.
"I didn't--" Jared starts, breaking off on a quiet laugh as he takes another
halting step closer. "What are you doing here? I thought-- man, I don't know. I
don't know what I thought, just... God, you're here."
Jensen hasn't moved at all, just stands with his eyes locked on Jared. "Yeah,
uhm. I'm here," he says before giving his own strained sort of laugh and then
raises one hand. "Surprise."
Everything in Jared's body screams to rush forward and wrap Jensen tight in his
arms, but he manages to hold himself back. It's been five years, after all.
Five years of no communication whatsoever, five years of school and new
friendships and new relationships. Five years of growing up. He's not the same
guy Jensen met when they were both seven years old and he's not the same guy
who kissed him in the middle of a friend's bathroom at fourteen.
And he's pretty sure Jensen isn't the same either.
"Oh, hey, I remember you."
His sister's voice effectively knocks Jared out of his daze and he sucks in a
sharp breath as he turns. "Yeah, Jen. He's, uhm..."
"Visiting," Jensen says, shooting Jared a quick look. There's a question behind
his eyes Jared can't quite read, but he thinks he gets the gist. Though now is
really not the time. "Christmas break and all that."
"Dude, I come back every year and I've never seen you," Jared says. He doesn't
mention that he's made a point of checking, that he's maybe even driven past
the Ackles Estate more than once each time just to get a closer look. He
doesn't particularly like the idea of Jensen thinking he's turned into some
kind of creepy stalker.
"Yeah, uhm," Jensen says, laughing softly as he gives a sheepish smile. "This
is the first time in awhile."
"Five years," Jared says without thinking and he swears Jensen winces, his
voice quieter when he agrees:
"Yeah."
"Well, I sure don't blame you," Megan cuts in, giving Jared a look he knows all
to well. One that's a little too knowing and promises hours of pestering. He's
already dreading the drive home. "I wouldn't want to come back either. Not to
this place."
Jared frowns a little, but Jensen seems to relax, a small smile tugging at the
corner of his lips as he nods.
"It's not so bad," he says, shooting Jared another quick glance. "Could be
worse."
Jared feels his chest lurch hopefully, words rushing free as he says, "Hey, so.
How long you gonna be here? We should... you know, get together. Maybe go out
for drinks or somethin' sometime. If you want."
Jensen's eyes go a little wide and Jared's heart stops for a second because
he's sure Jensen's about to say no. Not that Jared will ever take that for an
answer, but he doesn't like the idea of having to pressure Jensen into
anything.
But then Jensen blinks and the startled look Jared had seen is gone, replaced
with a strained sort of smile. "Yeah, we should. That'd be, uhm. I mean, I have
some family stuff to take care of, but once that's out..."
"Yeah, yeah, of course," Jared says on a heavy exhale, his smile threatening to
split his face in two. "No problem. Just-- call me and we'll work it out.
Whenever, seriously. Here, let me give you my number."
When he realizes he doesn't have a pen, Megan rolls her eyes and pulls one out
of her purse, clicking it in his face as he rips off a blank piece of the
grocery list. He hurriedly writes down both his cell phone and home numbers
(the home one hasn't changed, but he doesn't know if Jensen remembers it and
isn't about to ask) and hands it to Jensen.
Jensen nods down at the pen in his hand. "I can... should give you mine while
we're at it."
"Right, yeah," Jared says, thrusting the pen toward him. "Good idea."
A few seconds later, Jensen tears off a tiny piece of that same paper and hands
it over. Their fingers brush briefly at the hand off and Jared tucks the sliver
into his palm.
"Great, so," Jensen says, holding up his piece with a small, awkward smile. "I
should finish up here, but, uhm. I'll call you."
"Yeah," Jared agrees, taking the hint and nearly colliding with his sister as
he takes a step back. "Yeah, cool, I'll just let you... It's really good to see
you."
Jensen laughs, a quiet light sound that makes Jared's chest tighten all over
again. "You, too," he says, smiling that smile Jared recognizes completely. The
one that used to be reserved solely for him. One he'd begun to think he'd never
see again.
It's gone when Jensen looks to Megan, giving her a nod goodbye and then turning
back to his cart.
Swallowing, Jared watches him walk away, the wheels of the grocery cart
squeaking against the tiled floor.
Megan clears her throat a moment later and Jared feels his face flush red when
he meets her eyes.
"I have no idea what just happened right here," she says, crossing her arms
over her chest and arching an eyebrow, "but it was something and you are so
telling me."
Ducking his head, Jared slips Jensen's phone number into his front pocket and
grabs the cart. "Later," he promises and hands over the list. "What's next?"
Unamused, Megan stares for a long moment, eyes narrowed and then lets out a
breath. "Fine. We need bread rolls and cereal. And don't think you're getting
out of this."
"Right," Jared murmurs, aiming the cart for the bread aisle.
:::
Jensen keeps the slip of paper on top of the dresser in his old bedroom, folded
and propped like a Christmas card. It taunts him every time he pulls out a pair
of socks or underwear, every time he checks the clock. Silent and tempting.
A part of him had been aware this could happen, that bumping into Jared wasn't
totally out of the realm of possibility. But he hadn't let himself think about
it too much and he certainly hadn't let himself hope. What were the chances,
after all? It's been five years. He knew the Padaleckis were still around -
- his parents were still prone to mentioning them in snide, unfriendly tones
from time to time -- but he always figured Jared would get out after high
school. Move away and make a life for himself, settle somewhere as exciting and
vibrant as him, somewhere people could really appreciate him.
Of course, the chances also favored Jared being in a relationship now. Maybe
not married, but certainly with someone, a girl or a guy. It shouldn't matter,
but Jensen can't help hating the idea of it. What they had is long past, buried
away with a part of his life that hurts too much to think about. He's over
that. He has to be. Hell, he'd moved all the way across the country for a girl
three years go. And yeah, they hadn't worked out in the end, but that still had
to mean something.
He's still staring at the paper when his phone starts ringing, shocking him out
of his daze. His heart skips and his fingers fumble as pulls it out of his
pocket and is both disappointed and relieved when the caller ID declares CHRIS
in bright blue letters.
"Hey," he says, unable to hide the gruffness in his tone.
And, of course, Chris picks up on it. "Whoa, hey. What's up?"
"Dude, you're the one callin' me."
"You're the one answering like you got somewhere to be. Am I interrupting
something?"
Jensen darts a glance at his dresser and shakes his head, turns away with his
shoulders. "No, it's cool. Just... distracted. What do you need?"
"Distracted," Chris echoes, clearly ignoring the question. Jensen can just
picture him pursing his lips in thought and prepares himself for the
inquisition. "Hmm. How to decipher that. This got somethin' to do with your
parents? They still King and Queen of Prickville?"
Jensen snorts a laugh despite himself, crossing one arm under the other. "Not
if that makes me Prince of Prickville."
"Shit, son. I'd think you'd love that. All those willies at your command.
Heaven, bro." It's a joke; Chris is constantly making comments like these,
subtle, teasing implications that never fail to make Jensen stammer and flush
even though he knows Chris doesn't mean anything by them. After three years he
should really be used to it, but it still always catches him off-guard. Even
though they really shouldn't.
"You're sick," Jensen says, managing to keep his tone unaffected.
"Are you gonna tell me what the hell's a matter or are you gonna keep
deflecting like a little bitch?"
"This can't be why you called."
"Sure it is. You and me are psychically linked. Remember that one night we got
totally wasted and you tried sticking a jello shot cup on your toe because you
thought it was a sandal? Happened then. I put shit in the jungle juice, dude.
Some... weird potion thing. Got it from a chick in my physics class."
"If we were psychically linked you wouldn't have to ask me what's wrong."
"Aha! So you admit there is something wrong," Chris proclaims. "Good. First
step to recovery is admitting there's a problem. Second step: spilling your
guts."
"You're an asshole."
"I am. I'm also your roommate, confidante, compadre and best fuckin' friend so
tell me what the hell's gettin' your panties in a pinch before I gotta whip out
the big guns. I have a Danneel and I know how to use her."
Jensen sighs heavily and drops onto the bed. Gnawing at his lip, he thinks over
his words and then realizes it doesn't really matter how he says it. Chris will
be able to see right through the bullshit and wheedle out the rest with
irritating efficiency borne of pure determination. Might as well just go for
the kill.
"Saw Jared the other day."
"Jared," Chris echoes, voice quiet and unnervingly thoughtful. "Ah, my
illustrious predecessor."
There is no way in which Jared is Chris's predecessor; they belong in two
completely separate categories and he's fairly sure Chris would agree if he
knew the whole truth. But he bites back the impulse to say as much. That's not
really something he plans to reveal. Not now and possibly not ever. So he just
says, "It's just... weird, I guess. It's been awhile. He wants to go out for
drinks, but that's bound to be awkward, right? I mean, what could we possibly
talk about?"
"Hmm. Well," he says, drawing the word out slow, "you could maybe mention the
little unfinished business between you two."
"What unfinished... what the hell're you talking about?" Jensen says, face
heating inexplicably.
"Jenny, I've listened to you wax poetic about this guy since nearly the minute
I met you. The way you talk about him, it's like you spent every second of your
childhood attached at the guy's dick. Which is pretty impressive since you also
never failed to mention how much your parents despise his entire family.
There's a serious Romeo and Juliet vibe goin' on, dude, that's all I'm sayin'.
Just... without the whole suicide pact thing so far as I know."
Jensen blinks, stunned into silence. Barely breathing. He's always known that
Chris sees too much, knows too much, but he'd really thought he'd managed to
keep this to himself. It's the biggest secret he has and he'd had every
intention of keeping it that way.
When Chris speaks again, his voice is softer and Jensen almost finds that more
unnerving. "I don't know the details, man. Not really. But I know you've never
talked about anyone the way you talk about Jared. You think you and Danneel
just drifted apart? Nuh-uh. Far as I can tell, you never really had each other
to begin with. I don't know what that kid did to you before you went out east,
but it seems to me he's had your heart for a long time, buddy. And hey, maybe
you think it's all bullshit, but I'm just callin' it how I see it."
"He didn't do anything," Jensen manages to choke out, wincing at the way his
voice sounds small.
"What's that?"
"I said. I said he didn't do anything. He was just Jared. That's all."
"Alright," Chris says, the word drawn out into a slow, indulgent drawl. "So
what's the problem?"
Jensen sighs, feels every ounce of his past heavy in his bones as he runs a
hand over his face. He can't help thinking that if Chris has figured out this
much, he should be able to piece together the rest. If only to save Jensen the
trouble.
"That is the problem," he says and then proceeds to spill the rest.
:::
Jared has both of Jensen's numbers programmed into his phone and no idea what
to do with them.
So he does the only thing that makes any sense and calls Sandy.
"He's here," he tells her. "Jensen. Here."
"Wait, Jensen? Jensen Ackles?"
"I ran into him at the grocery store. He was buying onions."
"Is he... oh, please don't tell me he's working for his dad now or something. I
don't think I can take that."
"No, he's. Uhm, I don't think he is anyway. I really think he's just visiting."
Sandy groans, but he can hear the timber of relief too, and his lips twitch
into a smile.
"He gave me his number. I think-- I should call him, right? What if he never
comes back again? This could be the last time."
"What's he look like now?" Sandy says, seemingly ignoring Jared's crisis. "I
bet he's still cute. He was always cute. Those eyes..."
"I always knew you liked him more than me."
"Well, you know," Sandy says, tone still teasing. "He never broke my heart,
so."
"I didn't break your heart!"
"You broke my heart. I was fourteen. It was very traumatic."
"Sandy."
She laughs and then hums a breath. Says, "Seriously, tell me what he looks
like."
"He looks the same," Jared says. "Taller. Uhm." He sighs then, smiling to
himself as he runs a hand along his jaw. "God, he looks really good, Sandy.
Really good. His hair's different, shorter and kind of spiked. He still has the
freckles."
"What, did you think those were just going to disappear with age?"
"No, I just. Shut up."
Her laugh is softer then and her tone shifts when she says, "Okay. So why
haven't you called him?"
"I don't know. I mentioned going out for drinks and he seemed cool with it, but
what if he was just trying not to let the situation get awkward? I mean, Megan
was there. Maybe he didn't want to make an issue out of it."
"So he hasn't called you yet either," Sandy says, tone assessing.
"That's not a good sign, is it?"
"No, that's just a sign that boys are stupid. But we already knew that."
"This isn't helping."
"Call him," Sandy says, exasperated, but not unkind. "He wouldn't've given you
his number if he didn't want you to use it."
"What if he doesn't answer?"
"Then he doesn't answer. Leave a message. Jesus, Jared, I know you know how to
use a phone."
"What if it's awkward?"
"Oh my God, would you stop?" she snaps then, any harshness in her tone softened
by the quiet laugh that immediately follows. "Jensen was your best friend for
like a decade and your... whatever for two years. Boyfriend. And you're still
totally hung up on him. You can't just throw that away because it might be
awkward."
Jared swallows, picks at a non-existent stray thread on the knee of his jeans.
"A lot can change in--" He's cut off when his phone starts beeping dully in his
ear and, frowning, he pulls it away to glance at the screen. "Chad's calling,"
he tells her. "The last time I ignored a call from him, he brought three girls
home from some party and proceeded to have an orgy at the foot of my bed."
"Wow," Sandy replies after a significant pause. "Thanks for the overshare."
"To be fair, he thought it meant I wasn't home. Anyway, I'll talk to you later,
okay?"
"Fine. But Jared?"
"Hmm?"
"Call him."
Jared laughs in response, quiet and a little strained and then switches the
call over to Chad. "Hey."
"Dude, took you long enough. Did I catch you jerkin' off or something?"
"Yep. Decided to finish. My hand's totally covered in jizz right now."
There's a pause letting Jared know he's definitely won this round and he's
already grinning when Chad says, "You are a sick fuck, you know that?" Jared
sticks a finger in his mouth and gives an exaggerated slurping sound that makes
Chad start ostentatiously dry heaving until he finally shouts, "Alright,
alright! Enough!"
"You started it."
"Whatever, douchemunch. You busy over New Year's?"
"Eve?"
"Yeah. Just found out there's a party goin' down at Cassidy's."
"Wait, how did you hear about a party at Katie's before me?"
"Dude, the girl is all up in my junk," Chad answers. "Totally wants me."
"I've known Katie since fifth grade. She has way better taste than that."
"Fuck you. Ain't no girl who can deny herself The Chad."
"Sometimes I can't believe I'm friends with you."
"Yeah, sometimes I can't figure that one out either," Chad says without a drop
of sarcasm. "Anyway, you in?"
Jared considers it. New Year's Eve could be a good night to spend with Jensen,
an easy excuse to hit a bar or a club or something. Or chill back at his place
watching old movies until the ball drops. But it could also seem a little too
heavy with the whole midnight thing. The kissing ritual or whatever. Could get
awkward.
Could get really awkward.
"Yeah," he says, silently promising himself he'll call Jensen after and make
plans then. If Jensen doesn't call first. "Yeah, that sounds cool."
:::
Jensen had thought about not going. He doubts most of the people there will
remember him at all and the few who do probably have some cracked out idea of
why he left in the first place. He knows there have been rumors; Mackenizie's
filled him in on some of the more entertaining ones. His favorite involves him
supposedly stealing hundreds of thousands of dollars from his parents and
fleeing the country to become a Tibetan monk. It sounds pretty appealing
sometimes.
So there'll be that to deal with. Plus the awkwardness of smiling and
attempting conversation with a ton of strangers while trying to get drunk
enough to loosen up, but not so drunk as to do something completely stupid.
He's done enough of that at college already.
And Jared. Jared will probably be there. That could get awkward.
Of course, in the end, that's also the whole reason he decides to go at all.
The place is already packed by the time he arrives and Katie nearly attacks him
the second he steps through the front door.
"Jensen! Oh my God, Jensen! I didn't think you were coming!" she says, her
hands moving from his shoulders to his face as she beams up at him. "God, look
at you! Look at you! Seriously. I mean, you were cute back in high school and
everything, but now... fuck, I just want to lick you up."
Jensen feels his face flush and he laughs as he settles a hand on her waist.
"Wow, you're drunk."
"Maybe a little," Katie says, swaying into him slightly, her hands falling to
rest against his chest. "And you are hot. Seriously burning, disgustingly hot.
Did you run off to become a model or something?" Her eyes light up then, mouth
open before she breaks into another wide smile. "Oh my God, you did, didn't
you! That makes so much sense! Who do you work for? Calvin Klein? Abercrombie?"
"Close," Jensen says, fighting a grin. "Victoria's Secret."
Katie pulls back a little, blinking. And then gives his shoulder a hard slap.
"One more drink and I might've believed you."
Jensen arches an eyebrow. "I honestly have no idea how I'm supposed to take
that."
"Take it to mean you need bigger boobs," she replies, wavering only a little as
she takes a step back. "Seriously, though. You look really good."
She still looks a little unsteady, so Jensen keeps an arm poised to catch her
and offers a smile. "Thanks. Uh... you, too."
"Wow, that was convincing."
Jensen smirks. "You know you're gorgeous, Cassidy. Stop fishing for
compliments."
"Whatever," she says, waving her hand dismissively as she takes another sip of
her drink. He can see the smile she's trying to hide and she swallows and
points across the crowd. "There's beer in the kitchen. Snacks and stuff. Help
yourself. Unless, of course, you don't want to ruin your girlish figure."
"Har har," Jensen says, already turning to head that way. He stops when Katie
calls his name again, glances back.
Katie gives him a smile, a little lopsided, but still genuine. Says, "It's
really good seeing you again, Jensen."
"Yeah, you, too," he says and finds he absolutely means it.
The kitchen is easy to locate, still right where it'd been the last time he'd
stepped foot in Katie's house, and he takes a strange sort of comfort in the
fact that at least that much hasn't changed. It looks almost exactly the same
too, no new paint on the walls or updated cabinets. There's a plant in the far
corner Jensen doesn't recognize, but there's also the familiar engraved cutting
board on display above the stove and the ceramic Maneki Niko on the counter by
the sink.
The only real difference Jensen notices is the proportion of beer to soda.
That's a little new.
He smiles politely at the small cluster of people he doesn't recognize and
grabs himself a Corona, takes a minute to dwell in the familiar surroundings
while preparing himself to enter the crowd once more. Reuniting with Katie had
been something of a test run; he has the feeling it's only going to get more
harrowing as the night wears on.
Tipping his head back, Jensen takes a large swig of his beer and exits the
kitchen, swallowing down the bitter taste as he turns the corner and--
"Whoa, whoa, hey. Sorry, man, I wasn't..."
One large hand wraps around his upper arm, stopping him before he can run
straight into six-foot-plus of solid muscle.
"Sorry," Jensen mutters, stepping back as wide, familiar hazel eyes latch onto
his own.
"Jensen."
Jensen swallows and tightens his grip on his beer. "Jared. Hi."
It's different from when they'd bumped into each other in the grocery store.
More literal, for one, and somehow more immediate and unnerving. Jared is here,
right in front of him for the first time in years, solid and shadowed in the
low light. He's tall, taller than he'd appeared in the store, making Jensen
feel bizarrely short, something he is not at all accustomed to. And Jared's
broad too, filling out a black UT t-shirt with wide, thick shoulders. His
hair's still as floppy as Jensen remembers, thick waves licking at the sides of
his neck. Jensen has the sharp and sudden memory of running his hands through
the strands.
"Dude, you're," Jared starts, interrupting Jensen's thoughts with a quick laugh
as he tugs Jensen away from the kitchen doorway and into the turn of the
hallway. Jensen goes without complaint, still reeling enough to not mind being
gently manhandled. "Fuck, what are you doing here?"
Not entirely sure how to read the tone, Jensen's lips tug into a frown and he
takes a step back, Jared's hand falling from his arm. "Katie," he says,
glancing briefly at the throng of party-goers. "Through Mackenzie. She heard I
was in town and, uh... extended the invite, I guess."
"So your sister's here?"
"No," Jensen says, confusion morphing into mild irritation. Though he doesn't
think that's really Jared's fault; he just hadn't quite been prepared for this.
He's not sure he ever really could've been. "She had about twenty different
invites. Decided to go for the one likely to have the best free booze."
"Oh," Jared says then and he seems to relax a little, a faint smile curving his
lips. "Smart girl."
"She has her moments."
The conversation fades into a lull of awkward silence then, Jared staring at
him like he's not quite sure Jensen's really there before Jensen abruptly
clears his throat. Says, "So, uh. You here alone?" and manages to stop himself
from wincing. Stupid question.
"No," Jared says, unsurprisingly. But before Jensen call feel his heart plummet
to the floor, he adds: "Well, kind of. I mean. I came with a friend, but I'm
not. We aren't together together if that's, uh. If that's what you meant."
"Oh. No, that's--"
"You remember Chad?"
Frowning, Jensen shakes his head and briefly looks out toward the crowd. Like
it might give him some kind of clue.
"He, uh. Dated Sandy for awhile back before--"
"Dude, Chad?" Jensen interrupts, lips twitching into a smile that's more
surprise than anything else. "Don't tell me you're actually friends with that
guy."
"He's not so bad," Jared says, mirroring Jensen's smile. "I mean. Well, he's
still kind of a dick, but I like to think I've been something of a positive
influence."
Jensen snorts a laugh. "So he's your protégé?"
"More like my token douchebag friend."
"Charming."
"Oh, like you don't have one," Jared says, smiling wider. Warmer.
"I did," Jensen says with a teasing grin. "Once upon a time. But I haven't seen
him in awhile, so..."
It takes Jared a second or two to catch on and Jensen sees the second it
clicks, Jared's eyes widening and cheeks flushing before he knocks a loose fist
against Jensen's shoulder. "Fuck you. I was the best friend you ever had."
"Yeah," Jensen says because they both know there's no arguing it. But the use
of past tense hangs heavy, dragging the conversation into another standstill as
Jensen swallows roughly and looks away again, brings his bottle up to his lips
for a slow sip.
"I, uhm," Jared says a moment later, tone shifted again to one slightly more
sober. "I've been meanin' to call you."
Jensen glances over, one eyebrow raised as he swallows his drink.
"Don't look at me like that," Jared says, pointing a finger at him. "Not like
you called me either."
"I've been busy," Jensen lies, not bothering to hide the grin still tugging at
his lips.
"Mmm," Jared says, shifting a little and Jensen sees a flash behind Jared's
eyes. Something dark and vaguely dangerous that reminds him of heated whispers
under blankets, gangly limbs and naked, sweaty skin. He feels stuck to the
spot, frozen with anticipation and a tiny bit of fear, as Jared lowers his
voice, says, "Busy playin' hard to get, maybe."
And that makes him laugh, a quick snorfle that surprises himself as much as
Jared. "Dude," he says, pointing the lip of his beer at Jared. "You seriously
gotta work on your technique."
Jared looks affronted for a second and then smacks Jensen's beer bottle out of
his face, laughing, "Fuck you," as Jensen grins and takes another sip. He notes
the bloom of red across Jared's cheek, wonders if it's from embarrassment or
booze or the heat of the party. Remembers a time or two when it came from
something else entirely.
"Gotta cut me some slack," Jared says, head ducked briefly to look at Jensen
through his bangs. "It's been awhile since I tried this whole flirting thing."
"Liar," Jensen replies and doesn't miss the way Jared's gaze drops when he
licks his bottom lip. "You forget I know you, man. You flirt like breathing.
Always have."
"Know," Jared says.
Jensen blinks. "Huh? Yes, you do!"
"No, I mean. You said 'know'. Present tense." Jared looks a little smug, a tiny
grin curving his lips and Jensen feels that thrill again when Jared adds, "And
I didn't forget."
There's no question at all what Jared's really saying and maybe they're both
still tiptoeing around the giant elephant in the room, but Jared's getting
closer and closer to stomping on the thing's tail.
And Jensen still isn't sure what's supposed to happen after that.
He swallows against the rising lump in his throat and takes a stilted, shaky
breath as Jared leans in a little further, eyes dark and focused. He's only a
breath away, heat coming off him in waves and Jensen inhales indulgently,
smells the hint of boy he used to know under the dark musk of man before him,
finds himself swaying into it.
Jared doesn't move, eyes on him the whole time, dark and clear and so exactly
how Jensen remembers them, down to the flecks of gold barely visible in the dim
lighting.
"Jensen," he says, a whisper, but Jensen doesn't hear it. Doesn't hear anything
at all aside from the pounding of his own heartbeat as he leans up and in.
Jared meets him halfway, lips dry as they press to Jensen's, as warm and soft
as they were five years ago.
He's dreamed of this, thought about it over and over since the day his parents
sent him away. Longed for it even when he was trying to convince himself that
his parents were right, that it was only a phase, that he was normal, that he
liked girls.
It was all a fucking lie, of course; all he's ever really wanted is right here.
It's over far too quickly, both he and Jared pulling away at the same time;
he's sure Jared's smile is mirrored on his own face.
"Wow," Jared says on a quick exhale and Jensen laughs, ducks his head as he
feels his cheeks heat red. "It's not even midnight yet."
Jensen checks his watch and shrugs. Says, "Is on the east coast. That counts,
right?"
"Only if it means I get to kiss you at the top of every hour," Jared replies,
fingers grazing the bottom hem of Jensen's t-shirt. "Gotta cover all the time
zones."
He lets Jared pull him in a little closer, feels his stomach flutter and breath
quicken as the space between them is swiftly obliterated. This feels different
from before. There's so much more of Jared now, miles of him from head to foot,
acres of new muscle, and Jensen reaches forward, rests a hand on Jared's side
to steady himself as his head tips, inviting. It feels terrifyingly intimate,
like it's really just the two of them again and nothing else. No party, no
parents, no stigma or societal expectation. Just them.
His gaze drops to Jared's lips briefly and he feels a pulse low in his bones.
Whispers, "I think we missed a few already. Better--"
The rest is cut off by Jared's mouth, growled and bitten away as Jensen yelps a
laugh. He arches into it instinctively, moves his hand from Jared's side up to
cup his face, pushing away dark, floppy hair as their tongues get reacquainted.
Jared has one hand on his back, fingers twisted up in Jensen's t-shirt as they
press hip to hip. It's not enough, not nearly enough, but it's more than Jensen
ever thought he'd get again.
It's fucking perfect.
At least until a voice from behind barks, "JT! Hey, JT, where the fuck--"
Jensen's too engrossed in re-learning Jared's taste for the name to register,
but then Jared's pulling back abruptly, eyes startled wide a second before a
heavy hand drops to Jensen's shoulder and yanks.
Stumbling back, Jensen grunts and whirls, gives a hard shove on pure instinct.
He's met with an answering push, hard enough to knock him against the wall and
a sharp pain explodes across his left cheek before thick fingers wrap tight
around his throat.
"Chad!"
"Who the hell're you?" Chad spits, drowning out the sound of Jared's voice.
Jensen snarls, feels the tang of iron in his mouth as his eyes narrow and he
curls a hand around Chad's wrist. He's not struggling much yet, biding his
time. Chad doesn't look all that much bigger than Jensen remembers. A little
more muscular, yeah, but Jensen's no waif. And he's taller.
"What the fuck do you care?" he shoots back, ignoring the throb of pain across
his cheek as Chad tightens his grip and leans in closer.
"I care about dirty fuckin' faggots crawlin' up on my boy," he growls and
Jensen almost laughs. Wants to. But the hand currently attempting to crush his
esophagus is making that fairly difficult. "You're that guy that just up and
disappeared awhile back, right? I heard your parents sent you away because
you're a fuckin' homo, you sick fuck!"
"Fuck you," he manages to get out before a flurry of movement behind Chad
catches his attention and he sees Jared reach one arm over Chad's shoulder and
pull, teeth gritted in a fury unlike anything Jensen's ever seen on him before.
"Dude," Chad argues as Jared drags him off, breaking away to whirl on him.
"What the hell!"
"Back off!" Jared shouts, body curved to stand between the two of them.
"Seriously. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about, man."
"Are you fuckin' kidding me?" Chad gapes, looking from Jared to Jensen and back
again, face twisted in a horrified grimace. "I saw him! The guy was all over
you, you can't tell me you're cool with that shit!"
Jensen cuts a glance at Jared, but he can't read what he sees there. Isn't sure
he wants to.
The party sounds have ground to a halt, every eye in the house seemingly on
them and Jensen swallows tightly, stands up straight against the wall as Jared
takes a step closer to Chad, shoulders hunched and fist clenched at his side.
Jensen lifts a tentative hand to his lip and grimaces down at the smear of red
that colors his finger. His beer bottle's on the floor by his feet, spilling
onto the carpet, but he doesn't make a move to pick it up.
"What if I am?" he says and Jensen can just barely make out the way Chad's eyes
go wide.
"Oh, fuck no! No way! I know you, man! You're not a-- a--!"
"What? Not a what? A fag?" Jared finishes for him, flinging his arms wide in
obvious challenge. "You've said it, like, twenty times in the last thirty
seconds and you suddenly can't get it out?"
Chad doesn't answer, seemingly stunned and Jared steps in closer. Snarls,
"Here, I'll help you out," before lunging forward, arms swinging.
The whole place erupts into chaos then, three guys grabbing for Jared and two
others managing to wrangle Chad. A few pictures get knocked off the wall in the
process and Jared's clearly still livid, face red as he strains against the
hold, screaming the entire time.
"What does that say about you, huh? You've been living with a fucking faggot
for two years! How does that feel? Huh, Chad? C'mon, you worried you caught
it?"
"Fuck you! You coulda fuckin' told me, you fuckin' pussy!"
"I was waiting for you to grow the fuck up first!
"I don't-- I'm your friend, JT! Jesus!"
Jared lets out a laugh then, loud and bitter and totally lacking in any kind of
humor. "Oh, fuck you. FUCK YOU!"
"Hey, hey, ENOUGH!" a female voice shouts then and every head turns to watch
Katie push her way through the crowd. She looks way more sober than the last
time Jensen saw her, but he figures that's probably to be expected when two
people are trying to tear apart her living room. "What the fuck is the
problem?" she snaps, eyes on Jared.
"Nothing," Jared says immediately, still glaring daggers at Chad. "We're cool."
"Like hell you are," Katie says, but she turns her attention to Chad, grimacing
like she's suddenly smelt something foul. "Ugh, I knew inviting you was a bad
idea."
"What--" Chad grunts, clearly affronted before his expression morphs to rage
once more. "Me?!"
"You need to be gone," she tells him. "Now."
"Hey! What about him?" Chad argues, twisting against the two guys holding him
as he glares at Jared.
Katie only shrugs. "What about him?"
"He attacked me!"
"Because you're an asshole," Jared barks back. He's not exactly struggling, but
Jensen can see the muscles straining under his t-shirt with the effort to hold
back, sweat clinging to the sides of his face. "You hit Jensen!"
"He was on you! I thought-- fuck, man. I was just trying to help you out!"
"Help me out? You cannot be fucking serious."
"Yes!" Chad says, tone nearly imploring. Despite his better judgment, Jensen
finds himself actually kind of believing the guy. A little. "I'm your friend.
That's what friends do!"
Jared laughs, sharp and utterly humorless and says, "You are so far from my
friend right now it's not even funny."
And Jensen doesn't know the guy very well so it's possible he's imagining it,
but he thinks Chad wilts a little then.
It lasts all of about half a second and then he's glowering again, snarling
like a wounded puppy at the two guys holding him and Katie jumps in once more.
"Fuck you, dude! You want some weirdo climbin' on your junk, you shoulda told
me! How the hell was I supposed to know, huh?"
"Okay, seriously, out," Katie interrupts, shoving at the guy flanking Chad's
left. "Now!"
Chad protests again, kicking and screaming as he's dragged to the door, the
slam in his wake echoing through the room.
But Katie's not done, already whirling on Jared, one artfully sculpted eyebrow
arched.
"You're next, Padalecki. Talk fast."
Jared's still glowering, shoulders tense and hands balled into fists, but
Jensen can tell he's cooling down, waiting for the adrenaline rush to pass. He
finds it strangely comforting that he can still sense that kind of thing, still
knows how to read some of Jared's body language, no matter what else has
changed.
As expected, Jared just gives Katie a nod a moment later and says quietly, "I'm
done."
"Yeah?" Katie says, jutting one hip as she eyes him warily. "You nearly broke
my wall."
Jared winces, his shoulders relaxing slightly. "Yeah, uhm. Sorry about that.
Kind of lost control."
"Kind of?" Katie snorts, shaking her head. "Whatever, you're paying for those
frames if they're broken."
He lets out a soft breath, something close to a laugh and says, "Yes, ma'am,"
with a hint of a grin curving his lips.
Katie rolls her eyes. "Get your boy cleaned up, would you? As pretty as he
looks all banged up like that, I don't need him bleeding on the carpet."
Jared glances over then, eyes widening slightly and Jensen offers a weak smile.
It's meant to be reassuring, but the movement aches a little and he raises a
hand to his face, grimacing as the touch sparks a fresh bloom of pain across
his cheek. The guys flanking Jared back off then, giving him room to step free
and then Jared is right there, a hand on Jensen's jaw, tipping his head back as
he peers close.
"Shit, Jen," he breathes and Jensen struggles to swallow as he shakes his head
dismissively.
"It's fine. Not that bad."
"You're bleeding."
"Nothing's broken," Jensen assures him, but Jared's already grabbing his arm to
pull him away from the wall.
Jensen lets him, feels his face flush a deep red when he realizes most everyone
at the party is watching them. Twisting his wrist a little, he tugs his arm
free, ignores the questioning look Jared gives him and the blatant stares from
everyone else as they head for the bathroom.
Once inside, Jared closes the door and grabs the decorative washcloth hanging
by the mirror as Jensen catches sight of his own reflection.
"Looks worse than it feels," he promises, but Jared only darts him a quick,
speculative glance as he wets the cloth.
"Here," he says, wringing out some of the excess and then nudging Jensen's
shoulder.
Turning a little, Jensen scowls and reaches to take the washcloth. "Dude, I can
do it," he mutters, but Jared pulls it away, shaking his head.
"Just... let me," he says, his eyes locked on Jensen's. Quietly pleading.
Jensen's tempted to argue -- he can clean off his own Goddamn face for fuck's
sake -- but something in the way Jared's staring at him makes the words refuse
to come. Instead, he manages a rough swallow and nods, lowers his arms as he
tips his head back.
He feels a brush of warm air when Jared exhales and then long, capable fingers
are brushing along his jaw as the cloth slides across his cheek and down to his
lips. It stings and he can't help the way he grimaces, inhaling sharp through
his nose.
"Sorry," Jared murmurs, flicking him a quick glance and Jensen shakes his head.
"It's fine."
"No, I meant--" Jared huffs a breath and reaches past Jensen to wet the cloth
again. The movement presses them closer together and Jensen reaches forward
instinctively, resting his hands low on Jared's hips. "I was talking about
Chad."
"Oh."
"He's a dick," Jared continues, brow furrowed as he continues cleaning the
blood from Jensen's face.
"Didn't I say that earlier?" Jensen says, voice strained and teasing as he tips
his head back again.
Jared flicks a glance upward again and Jensen's hoping for a flicker of a
smile. He doesn't get one. "Always thought he was pretty harmless," he says. It
sounds like an apology. "Didn't think he'd... I don't know. Guess I just never
really saw this coming."
"Pretty sure he didn't either," Jensen murmurs as Jared swipes the warm
terrycloth below his bottom lip. This close up, the crease of Jared's brow is a
little mesmerizing and he lets himself stare, soaking in the nearness for
awhile as he continues. "I mean, I still think he's a dick and I can't figure
out why the hell you've stayed friends with him this long, but... I don't know.
I feel kinda bad for him."
"What?" Jared asks, pulling back a little, his thumb still lightly resting at
the curve of Jensen's mouth. "Why?"
Jensen shrugs. "He just... it's obvious you mean a lot to him. I think he
genuinely was just trying to look out for you."
"He hit you."
"Because he thought I was attacking you with my vile, gay cooties. Or
something."
Jared's lips tug into a bare smile and his hand slides down to curl around the
side of Jensen's neck. It sends a shiver of warmth straight down to his toes
and he lifts a hand, curls it lightly around Jared's wrist as Jared says, "He's
still an ass."
"I'm not saying he isn't. Just, you know. Maybe he just has some issues he
needs to work out."
"Like his blatant homophobia?"
Jensen grins a little, cocks his head to the side. "Maybe this episode is only
a result of repressed, latent homosexual urges. Maybe, as his friend, you only
need to help him accept and embrace his sexuality."
"Yeah, no," Jared says, nose wrinkling as he fights a smile. "Don't think I
want to have anything to do with Chad's sexuality, thanks."
Chuckling, Jensen smooths his hand down Jared's arm, grins wider as Jared's
gaze flicks to his mouth.
"Hey, you helped me," he says, reaching his other hand forward to hook a finger
in Jared's belt loop. "You should be an expert by now."
Jared's smile falters then, slides away into a clear frown as his thumb traces
the curve of Jensen's jaw. "I didn't, though," he says, voice nearly a whisper.
"Not really. All I did was get you sent away."
"That wasn't you," Jensen says. "Or, well. It kind of was, I guess. They wanted
to get me away from you and I've spent most of the past five years trying to
convince myself they were right, that I'm not gay, that I just got friendship
confused with something else and fell to the temptation of the flesh or
whatever. But-- hey, listen," Jensen says, bringing both hands up to cup
Jared's face when he tries to duck away, forces him to look at Jensen. "They
were wrong. They've always been wrong. It's taken me awhile to realize that
and, to be honest, I still sometimes struggle with it, but being here, being
with you again... it's just... I know now. I really know."
His voice cracks embarrassingly at the end, but he pays barely any attention
because Jared is just staring at him, eyes wide. Not saying a word.
The silence stretches into the realm of uncomfortable and Jensen caves under
it, lets out a choked kind of laugh as he drops his hands to Jared's shoulder.
"Alright, this concludes the sharing and caring portion of the--"
Jared cuts him off with a kiss, quick and insistent, nothing more than a firm
press of lips.
Jensen lets out a whimper that has nothing to do with his split lip and curls
his fingers in the fabric of Jared's shirt as his lips part on a sigh. He can
feel Jared smile against him, tongue sliding in for a quick taste before
ducking away, dragging his lips along Jensen's cheek and chin and jaw. Laughing
a little, Jensen tips his head back again, the sound cut off with a swallow
when he feels Jared's teeth scrape along his throat.
"Jared..."
He gets a growl in reply and his eyes slip shut when Jared moves up to ear,
warm lips pressed to the skin just below. Jared's holding the washcloth against
Jensen's shoulder, dampness spreading along the collar of Jensen's t-shirt. But
he really doesn't give a shit, not with the way Jared's teeth are busy worrying
his earlobe while his other hand smooths down Jensen's side, gripping and
pulling him closer.
"We should leave," Jared murmurs a moment later, dark and warm against Jensen's
ear.
Jensen blinks his eyes open as his hands slip up under Jared's shirt, fingers
spread along the smooth skin of Jared's lower back. "Not even midnight yet."
"Don't care."
He laughs, low and throaty and Jared pulls back, fingertips grazing his cheek
lightly as he meets Jensen's eyes.
"Seriously, I don't care. Come home with me."
Jensen's smile falters under Jared's wide eyes. He sees nothing there but open
wanting and blind hope, finds himself rocked by how familiar it looks and how
badly he's missed it.
"Yeah," he manages, voice rough. "Okay, let's go."
:::
Jared wakes up sweaty and unmistakably hard, Jensen a wall of naked heat
against his back.
Blearily, his eyes flutter open and his breath catches when he feels a warm
hand squeeze his dick, stroking the length in slow, lazy pulls.
"Jen--"
"Shhh," Jensen whispers into his neck, one leg slung over Jared's thigh as he
rocks against him in rhythm with his hand.
Jared moans and tips his head back, still fuzzy with sleep and feels Jensen
grinning into the curve of his jaw.
Everything seems to move in slow motion, a lethargic push and pull as Jensen
works him, the room utterly silent but for their quiet gasps and groans.
Pleasure pools low and insistent at the base of Jared's spine and he drops his
hand to curl his fingers around Jensen's, tightening his grip as his hips move
into it.
His whole body is still sore: knuckles aching from where they'd collided with
Chad's face the night before, arm and thigh muscles weary from after, from the
way he'd held Jensen down against his bed. But the pain barely registers,
everything currently narrowed down to the feel of Jensen's hand wrapped around
him and the steady grind of Jensen's dick at his back and the hot, wet press of
greedy lips at his neck.
"Please," he murmurs, dragging his own fingertip along his cockhead, smearing
pre-come as Jensen quickens his pace. "Please... yeah, like that. Gotta--"
Jensen groans encouragement and Jared latches onto it, hips thrusting forward
into the tight circle of his fist and lets go, nerves and muscles winding tight
before he shudders his release, coming hot and hard across Jensen's fingers,
dirtying up the sheets and his own belly. Again.
"God, Jared," Jensen groans then, teeth scraping the shell of his ear.
His hand is still moving, slick and sticky as Jared trembles through the after
shocks.
After a few moments, Jared blinks his eyes open, stares blankly at the wall
across the room before shifting and rolling unceremoniously onto his back. He
ignores the weighted feel of his limbs and grins at the startled look on
Jensen's face, green eyes blown black.
"Hi," he says.
Jensen maneuvers in his wake, hand dropping down to take his own cock in a
needy grip and voice rough, breaking on an exhale as he replies. "Hi."
Jared takes a moment to drink in the sight of him: Jensen's flushed red from
the neck down and his arm is straining as he jerks himself, the muscles of his
abdomen fluttering with every breath. He never once takes his eyes off Jared.
He's close, Jared can tell. Seconds away from blowing his load right there for
Jared to see.
Ignoring his own protesting muscles, Jared moves again, folding at the waist
and curling downward. It's a little awkward, but he doesn't care, Jensen's
dick, thick and leaking, strains toward his mouth.
He hears Jensen's punched groan as he leans in, tongue flicking over the head
for a brief taste before he wraps his lips around the crown and sinks down.
He'd done this last night too, choked himself on Jensen's dick, eager and
thoroughly under-practiced. He wants to draw it out this time, make it last,
revel in the sensation of Jensen filling his mouth and clogging his senses.
Smoothing a hand up Jensen's thigh, Jared relaxes his throat and takes in more,
slurping lewdly as he pulls back and then eases down again. Slow and steady.
Greedy.
Jensen tenses immediately, his hands dropping to Jared's upper back and over
one shoulder before curling into his hair, gripping and tugging as Jared slides
his hand higher, nudges his fingers under the swell of Jensen's balls, to the
soft skin behind them. It doesn't take much more; Jared sinks lower, feels the
blunt head Jensen's cock bump the back of his throat and then eases back with a
soft hum and Jensen wrenches, body seizing before he cries out, flooding
Jared's mouth with pulse after pulse of slick, bitter come.
Jared almost gags on it at first, pulls back to suck in a breath before
swallowing.
"Jared," Jensen groans, fingers still tangled in Jared's hair as his dick gives
another spurt, streaking Jared's cheek.
Smiling, Jared licks his lips and then ducks down to clean what he can of
Jensen's cock, lingering along the shaft as Jensen moans and whimpers above
him.
"Unf. Stop," Jensen hisses seconds later, tugging sharply at Jared's hair.
Jared curves to glance back over his shoulder, grinning, one hand still wrapped
loosely around Jensen's slowly softening dick. Jensen's stretched across the
bed, one arm flung to the side as he sucks in deep breaths, face flushed a dark
pink.
Slowly, Jared releases and straightens out, muscles protesting yet again as he
drapes himself against Jensen's side, skin sticking with sweat and spunk.
"Morning," he says, resting his chin on Jensen's shoulder.
Jensen wrinkles his nose and turns his head away, laughing softly. "Mmm.
Morning breath."
Jared chuckles and squirms closer, buries his face in the curve of Jensen's
neck. Murmurs, "Yeah, well you started it."
He gets a soft grunt in reply and lets his eyes slip shut again, enjoying the
comfortable silence and the slowing thrum of blood through his veins. The
previous night replays itself in snapshot images behind his eyelids: Jensen
smiling at him from the passenger seat, shy and awkward; Jared's fingers
retracing the burgeoning bruise on Jensen's cheek before pressing a kiss there;
Jensen laid out on his bed, shirtless and grinning; Jensen stretched out on his
stomach later, hips lifted in invitation, Jared's hands spreading him wider as
he thrust inside.
He think it's possible they'd woken his parents, but can't find it in himself
to care all that much.
It's a long while before either of them moves again, but finally Jensen shifts,
shoulder knocking lightly against Jared's cheek as he shimmies his way to the
edge of the bed.
"Gotta pee," he mutters in explanation and Jared lets out a quiet sigh as he
watches Jensen pad to the bathroom, gloriously naked.
When he returns moments later, he has one of Jared's towels wrapped around his
waist and he looks oddly nervous and awkward.
"I should head home soon," he says, taking a seat on the edge of the mattress.
Jared stares at the strong curve of his back and the meat of his arms, reaches
out to brush his fingers over Jensen's towel-covered thigh and fights the low
pull of disappointment.
"Gonna call Jeffrey?"
Jensen shakes his head, settles his hand over Jared's. Says, "I was kinda
hoping you'd take me, actually. If, uh. If that's cool?"
There's a whole new sensation then. Not disappointment, but something a little
closer to dread. His lips tug into a deep frown as he says, "But your
parents..."
"It's a new year," Jensen says with a shrug. "Might as well make it a new life,
right?"
Despite the conviction in his words, Jared can tell he's worried, fingers
trembling minutely atop Jared's hand. So Jared does all he can and pulls in a
slow breath, turns is wrist to curl his fingers with Jensen's as he nods.
"Okay, yeah. I'll take you."
:::
They don't leave right away. Jensen drags Jared into the shower where they
spend more time making out under the spray than actually getting clean. Not
that Jared's complaining at all. Jensen's face looks worse than it had the
night before and Jared is careful around it, pressing kisses to his temple and
jaw and throat as he holds him against the ceramic wall, blanketing him in wet,
naked skin.
After, they dry off and Jensen changes back into his clothes from the night
before, grimacing at the smell of spilled beer in the fabric.
"You wanna borrow one of mine?" Jared offers.
Jensen blinks, seemingly surprised by the suggestion before breaking into an
easy smile. "Yeah, sure. If you don't mind."
Jared lends him one of his older shirts, a grey Cowboys tee his brother gave
him for Christmas years ago. It's one he hasn't worn since his shoulders got
too broad to contain, but it fits Jensen well enough, not too tight, but not
too big either. Jared wants to tell him to keep it.
They leave awhile later, though not without attracting the attention of his
mother on the way out.
"Jensen! Jensen Ackles, is that you?" She's all smiles as she leaps up from the
couch and hurries toward them, arms outstretched to cradle Jensen's face in her
hands. "I never thought-- my, it's good to see you! How long are you here? Are
you staying for dinner? I can make you some ham; I know how you always loved my
ham."
Laughing a little, Jensen curls his hands around her arms. "Hi, Sherri."
"You have really grown up, haven't you?" she continues, fingers brushing the
hair above his ears. Jared thinks she might be close to crying, though he can't
tell from where he's standing. "So handsome! I know women who would kill for
your eyelashes."
Jensen flushes then, sputters another breath as he gently pulls her hands away
from his face. "I missed you," he tells her and the quiet tone of his voice
makes Jared's ribs feel suddenly too small.
"Oh, baby," Jared's mother breathes before pushing up to her tip-toes to wrap
him in a hug.
Over her shoulder, Jensen gives Jared a small, watery smile. He's clearly
trying to appear like he's merely humoring her, but he's failing completely.
Clearing his throat, Jared steps forward then. "I'm actually about to drive him
home," he says as she slowly pulls back, hands smoothing over Jensen's chest.
She frowns and glances at Jared. "Honey, isn't this yours?"
"Er," Jared stutters, feels his face heat inexplicably as he darts Jensen a
look. "Yeah, Jensen's was--"
"Beer-scented," Jensen admits, sheepish, his nose wrinkling.
"Oh," she says and then takes a quick breath. "I can't believe you boys are
both old enough to drink now. Where does the time go?" Pinching the sleeve
hems, she smiles at him and then pats his cheek one last time. "Well, I'll let
you go, but only if you promise you'll come back. And I don't mean in another
five years either, you hear me? We'll have no more of that!"
Chuckling, Jensen nods. "Yes, ma'am."
Smiling, she gives him a nudge and then shoots Jared a look, one that says way
more than Jared is prepared to handle right now.
"I'll, uh. I'll be back soon, Mama," he says, but she only nods and gives him a
shooing motion as she herds them both out the door.
"Drive safe, baby. Be careful."
The drive to Jensen's is done in near silence. It's not quite uncomfortable,
but there's a definite charge in the air, a stifling sense of foreboding. Jared
glances over every now and again and each time Jensen is looking out the
window, gaze distant. Jared has the radio on; it's playing some new Snow Patrol
song he doesn't know well enough yet to sing along to and Jensen taps the beat
out against his leg.
Jared suggests listening to one of his CDs instead, but Jensen just shakes his
head and runs a hand through his hair, continues staring out the window. The
closer they get to the Ackles Estate, the more jittery Jensen gets and Jared
finds himself easing off the gas, taking his time around corners and lingering
at stop lights.
Despite his best efforts, they arrive only fifteen minutes later, the large
house looming as Jared's little Prius pulls into the long, circular drive.
"You can just drop me off here," Jensen says, sitting up in his seat, back
stiff.
Jared slows to a stop in front of the large fountain out front and puts the car
in park, twists slightly in his seat to face Jensen. "You're not-- I mean, this
isn't goodbye, is it? I'll see you again before you leave?"
There's no use for pretenses any more so he doesn't bother trying to hide the
tremor in his voice. He's spent the past twelve hours reacquainting himself
with the one person who's ever really understood him and he knows that he's
barely even scratched the surface yet. He'll beg if he has to; his dignity
means shit in the long run.
Unclipping his seat belt, Jensen frowns, brows drawn in tight. "Of course," he
says, like it's the easiest thing in the world, like he's confused that Jared
has any cause to wonder at all.
"Really?" Jared asks, not sure it's that easy just yet. "You're not gonna,
like, join the army or run off to the circus or--"
"Jared, I never chose to leave. You have to know that."
And the thing is, Jared does know that. To an extent anyway. He's certainly
spent enough time trying to convince himself of it. But even then, even when he
was absolutely sure Jensen hadn't chosen to leave him, there had still been
moments where he'd wondered. Mrs. Ackles had said they'd discussed it, after
all. That they'd all come to the decision together. That maybe his parents had
planted the seed, but Jensen had agreed in the end.
He manages a nod, but Jensen must not find it too convincing and leans in, the
seat groaning softly with the shifting weight as he reaches to rest his hand on
Jared's arm.
"Hey," he says, softer. Imploring. "Listen to me, okay? This isn't goodbye.
It... I don't think it ever really was. I never got to say it back then so
maybe it doesn't really count."
Jared smiles at that, lets out a quick breath that means to be a laugh, but
doesn't quite get there. And then Jensen's crowding in closer yet, lifting a
hand to touch Jared's cheek. This close up, the bruise on Jensen's cheek looks
even more horrible, skin purpling and puffy, lip cracked and raw-looking.
"I still have two more weeks here," Jensen whispers, fingers trailing down the
length of Jared's neck as he smiles softly. "Plan to spend as much of that time
with you as humanly possible. If that's cool with you, of course."
Jared does laugh then, a started kind of rumble as he nods, leans forward
enough to rest his forehead against Jensen's. "Think I could learn to deal with
it, yeah."
Jensen's fingers curl into the collar of Jared's t-shirt, tugging gently.
Grinning, Jared follows it, tips his head just enough to brush his lips against
Jensen's, gentle and tentative, still all too aware of the tender skin
surrounding Jensen's split lip and the fact that they're right outside Jensen's
front door.
BANG!-BANG!-BANG!-BANG!
"Jensen! Jensen Ackles, you get out of that car this instant!"
The force of the pounding is enough to shake the whole car and Jared gasps
sharply, springs away with wide eyes when he spots Mrs. Ackles crouching to
glare through the passenger window.
"Shit," Jensen hisses.
Jared feels suddenly sixteen all over again, caught red-handed and utterly
terrified.
"They can't send you away again," he says, words rushing out, more plea than
statement.
"No, they can't," Jensen says with a nod. "I'm twenty-one, they can't do shit."
Jared isn't so sure. As powerful a man as Mr. Ackles is, Jared's fairly
positive he could do something, but he decides to keep his mouth shut for the
moment, has the feeling Jensen's trying to convince himself more than Jared
anyway.
"Jensen Ross Ackles! Don't you ignore me! Get out here right now! Right now!"
"I'm gonna go take care of this," Jensen says, fighting a wince. "Just-- stay
here, okay?"
Swallowing, Jared nods. "I won't leave."
Jensen gives his own nod and then takes a deep breath before opening the door
and shoving his way out. Jared turns his attention straight ahead, breath
unsteady as Jensen closes the door behind him. It's a false idea of privacy and
they all know it; Jared will hear every word.
"Jensen! Oh, Jensen, what happened to your face?"
Mrs. Ackles voice is still shrill, but Jared detects a clear undercurrent of
genuine worry, too. He winces to himself, runs his hands over his thighs as
Jensen hurries to explain.
"It's nothing, Mom. Just a guy at a party who--"
"He did this to you, didn't he?" she interrupts, all fiery indignation once
more and Jared's head snaps up, stomach plummeting as he turns to look at them
through the window. He can only see Jensen's back and Mrs. Ackles right elbow
and there's nothing he can do anyway, but he wants to scream. "Jensen, we have
told you that boy is trouble. He is a heathen! Look what he did to you!"
"He didn't!" Jensen shouts.
Jared's fingers dig into his own thighs, nerves buzzing with the impulse to
stand up for himself and the need to keep quiet and not make anything worse.
He's too focused on the conflict going on in his own head to register his door
opening until the seat belt across his lap suddenly pulls tight and two large
hands grip him by the shirt and start yanking him out.
Caught off-guard, Jared falls to the ground, legs caught under him as a gruff
voice snarls, "What did you do to my son, you fuckin' pervert?"
Jared's stunned, shocked with fear and anger as he's pushed and forced hard
against the ground.
"Dad! Dad, what the fuck!?"
There's a hand on the side of his face, shoving him into the cement and Jared
cries out as pain shoots down his spine. It's just as suddenly gone, the pain
ceasing, though he's still shaking from the shock of it and Jared hears more
shouting and a distinct scuffle above him, manages to turn enough to see Jensen
shoving and pushing at his father, pure fury etched in every line of bruised
face.
"Jensen," he breathes, wary.
But Jensen isn't paying him any attention. Instead, he has his father backed
against Jared's car, one hand on his throat.
"Don't you ever fucking touch him!" he snarls, punctuating his words with
another hard shove.
"Jensen, that boy has been the bane of this family's existence since--"
"No! God, you are so full of shit!! All you care about is money and how to get
more of it. You don't care about me! You never fucking have! You just care how
other people see me and how I can better serve you and your stupid fucking
company. Well fuck that, Dad."
"Jensen--"
"No! Listen to me! I love him! I love him and I don't fucking care what you
have to say about it!"
"Jensen, you don't mean that," his mother squawks, frantic. She's standing a
foot or two away; Jared can barely make her out from his vantage point. "For
God's sake, stop this right now!"
Wincing, Jared uncurls his body to sit up, muscles protesting as he stares up
at Jensen, eyes widening when Jensen shouts:
"Shut up! Both of you!"
"Don't you talk to your mother that way," Jensen's father growls, words
strained as Jensen tightens his grip.
"Why not? Because I'm supposed to respect you? Give me one reason why I should
have any respect for either of you at all! You shipped me to the other side of
the country because you thought it would fix me, because you thought Jared was
some kind of sixteen year old toxic disease and that I didn't have a mind of my
own. Hell, you only started speaking to me again when I made you think I had a
girlfriend and then hated that I lowered myself by choosing to go to UCLA, that
I decided to be a doctor and not another money-grubbing oil executive. You've
belittled me and judged me and outright despised me my entire life! Tell me why
I should think any better of you."
"We haven't-- Jensen, we care about you!" his mother insists, tone pleading.
Biting back a groan, Jared slowly pushes to his feet. He's sure he's hearing
far more than he has any right to, but he's reluctant to go anywhere, just
stands the few feet away, drawing as little attention to himself as possible.
Just there in case Jensen needs him.
"You have never cared about me," Jensen growls, but he finally releases his
father, chest heaving as he shoves himself away. His shoulders are hunched and
his eyes are still wild, radiating a silent challenge as he glares between the
both of them. "If you cared, you wouldn't have sent me away. You would've
listened to me! Just once!"
"Jensen, we have always listened. And we have always had your best interests at
heart," she argues. "You just-- you've been foolish, made some mistakes--"
"Got tangled up with the wrong crowd," his father interjects, lips drawn in a
tight scowl.
"No!" Jensen shouts again, abrupt, his voice nearly cracking into a laugh.
"Don't even-- Jesus, you don't know him! You never even tried to! All you care
about is his fucking name and the fact that his dad -- his dad, not him -- cost
you a couple million dollars once upon a time. That's it! It's not like he
fucking killed your child!"
"He might as well have!" Mr. Ackles snaps, voice cutting sharp.
Jared's breath catches, nerves prickling under his skin as Jensen stands,
stunned for a long moment.
And then he laughs again, a bitter, twisted sound as he steps in close to his
father once more. "You have the most fucked up sense of--" he cuts himself off
with another harsh sound, shaking his head as he pulls back, hands raised.
"Fuck it, I'm done. You can disown me if you want, take away my trust, write me
out of the will, I don't fucking care. I'm done."
His parents say nothing. Jensen's mother looks rooted to the spot, eyes wide
and arms drawn in, one hand clutching the front of her own shirt. His father is
still leaning against Jared's car, face beet red and quietly seething.
Jensen cuts Jared a quick glance then, gaze unreadable. Says, "Jared's been the
one thing to ever make me feel like I belong somewhere," before tearing his
eyes away to look at his father once more. "I'm sorry you'll never understand
that."
There's an almost eerie silence then, nothing but the steady flow of the
fountain and the blowing breeze.
Without another word, Jensen walks around to the other side of the car, opens
the passenger side door and slides in.
Jared swallows and fidgets a second, glances between Jensen's mother and father
before taking a hesitant step forward. Mr. Ackles' eyes narrow as Jared nears,
but he doesn't say anything, just takes a step back, giving Jared just enough
room to reach his door.
It's not until Jared's opening it that the man growls, "If you think this is
the end, you are greatly mistaken, Mr. Padalecki."
And Jared pauses once he's safely seated, looks over his shoulder and says, "Go
fuck yourself," before slamming the door shut and shoving the car into drive.
He peels away half a second later, not bothering to even glance in the rear
view mirror as he guns the gas, trying to push his little car into going as
fast as it possibly can. He doubts Jensen's parents are following, but his
heart is racing all the same, nerves buzzing with fresh adrenaline.
And Jensen punches the ceiling and whoops, bursts out into a laugh so loud and
so hard that it sends Jared's heart soaring.
:::
"So you'll call, right?"
Smirking, Jensen readjusts the strap of his bag and double-checks that he has
his boarding pass and I.D. "Yes," he says, voice quiet as he steps in closer.
He has about an hour before his plane takes off, but there's still security to
suffer though and there's no telling how long that'll take.
He's refusing to focus on it right now, though.
Jared brushes the backs of his fingers along the front of Jensen's jacket,
cocks his head to one side. "I mean when you land."
"Yes. When I land. And when I get to my apartment. And after I unpack. And
before I go to sleep."
Laughing, Jared arches an eyebrow and lets his smile slip to a smirk. "Mmm, I
like the sound of that last one..."
Jensen snorts and gives Jared a gentle shove as he crowds in closer.
Around them, the airport is teeming with activity, people hurrying past to
retrieve their luggage, find their loved ones, stand in line. The intercom
keeps going off, blaring security warnings and baggage information and gate re-
locations. Or at least that's what Jensen thinks they're saying; it's all
largely unintelligible.
"I'll call," Jensen assures him, voice a little more serious as he rests his
hands on Jared's hips.
"Okay," Jared says, letting out an exhale. "If nothing else, it'll give my
phone a little reprieve from Chad's constant messages."
Jensen huffs a laugh. "Still feels pretty bad, huh?"
"It's a little boggling, actually," Jared says, a grin tugging his lips. "I
never really thought he had a conscience before. This is all very new for me."
"And him."
"And him," Jared agrees. "Good thing you came along, right?"
"Oh yeah, I'm sure he's so grateful," Jensen grins. "You know, if you're still
planning on beating the shit out of him next time you see him, I won't judge
you."
"That right?" Jared laughs, dropping his hands to Jensen's shoulders and
squeezing. His smile is playful even as his voice softens a little when he
says, "Your face is looking better."
"Yeah, I know," Jensen sighs. "Kinda bummed. I was looking forward to showing
it off."
Jared lightly drags his thumb along the bottom of the bruise and smirks. It
occurs to Jensen then, though not for the first time, that this is the last
he's going to see of Jared for months. They've talked a little bit about
meeting up for spring break, but if that doesn't work out, they won't see each
other until June. And maybe it shouldn't be a big deal -- he'd gone five years
without seeing Jared, after all -- but it still rocks him. He has no idea what
happens from this point, no idea yet if his parents really plan on never
talking to him, if he'll ever see Josh or Mackenzie again, if he'll have any
money in his account when he lands in LA. There's so much up in the air and all
he can think about is the possibility of going five agonizing months without
seeing Jared.
He pulls in a shaky breath, calming himself, before leaning up to press a kiss
to Jared's lips, lingering, hands curled in the heavy fabric of Jared's jacket.
Jared makes a sound against him, something close to a whimper and Jensen pulls
away reluctantly, lips still tingling.
"I'll call you," he promises, quieter.
Jared's eyes look a little watery, but he manages a small nod. Says, "Fuckin'
better."
Jensen gets through security with little hassle, collects his shoes, bag and
coat on the other side of the barrier and makes his way to his gate. He stops
at a store along the way and kills some time buying stupid little souvenirs for
Danneel and Chris: a couple shot glasses decorated with the Texas flag, a
cheap, plastic keychain with Chris's name on it. His phone buzzes as he's
paying for them, notifying him of a text message and he checks it when he gets
to his gate, not at all surprised to see it's from Jared.
Check your bag.
Fighting a smirk, Jensen looks down at his backpack. He nudges it with his knee
and then crouches forward, unzipping the small front pouch. He has his contact
case in there, glasses and saline solution. Small notebook and a couple pens.
Nothing out of the ordinary. One side pocket holds his phone cord and iPod, the
other his digital camera.
The large, main pocket holds a balled up sweatshirt he'd stolen from Jared
along with a copy of Stephen King's latest and a tattered book of crossword
puzzles.
But there is one thing Jensen knows he didn't put there.
A single peanut butter cookie wrapped in saran wrap is trapped between the King
book and Jared's sweatshirt. It's slightly crumbled, but the Hershey's Kiss is
still affixed in the center and there's a post-it note attached to the outside,
words written in Jared's familiar scrawl:
I miss you.
Jensen laughs, a puff of breath as he cradles the cookie in his hand, thinks of
Jared driving home without him and vows this will be the last time they ever
say goodbye.
 
the end.

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